My Huckleberry friend, please take my hand as we sail down the Moon River.

My First

For You:
I can never know what's in your mind
For it's hard to pry open your heart
A dear friend I must confess
I miss your heartfelt smiles and chuckles
Past and present, which is the real you?
Time to move on, my dear
If he hurts your in one way or another
Cos where's the Jokers' Power?
Forget love, ignore stubborness for a while
You'd never know
How much better it feels.

I love you darling. Hen duo, hen duo!!!!!!

In all my 18 (soon to be 19) years of life, no one has ever written a poem for me. Silly darling, make me cry again. But these are tears from a touched heart, not a broken one (: Sometimes it's difficult to pour my heart out to every good friend that I have. I never wanted to be a burden you see. I smile, I laugh, I joke, I tease in front of you guys because lies are always easier tools for a facade than the cold, intolerable truth. So it's only on this old endearing blog that I vent my misery and frustrations. It's not him, my dear. I'm so tempted to push to blame to PMS, but there's a deeper underlying reason for the sudden plunge in spirits.

My entries are a cause for worry aren't they? It overwhelms me with guilt and regret everytime someone close to heart tells me that he's anxious about me/don't understand me anymore/can't keep up with my life/my depression is his fault because he didn't spend enough time with me. This is my blog, dearest friends. I can feign happiness, fake a laughter, or deliberately induce tears..but I don't wanna fake my whole life even in digital ink. So there, the dark, twisted side of Vic is a tad hard to swallow indeed, but it's still part of the whole package. Please don't worry about me, because there are the occasional comparably optimistic entries as well. I'm not all about sufferings and self-inflicted pain-they just get more emphasis here because one doesn't really broach those topics with friends, does he?

I'll be okay in due time though. Just need to get accustomed to this phase called "Growing Up". It's gonna end soon anyway, so hopefully, at the end of undeniably the most arduous period in life, I'll be a better person. For each time that I trip over, I have hands swarming to pull me up, for which I'm extremely grateful and moved, really. Every time you guys help reinstate the rightful identity of Vic, it grows on her stronger than ever: her "heartfelt smiles and chucklest" and everything associated with them (:

Just an hour ago, I was racked with inexplicable annoyance and sorrow. Your poem, and typing this reply to it, made me forget and feel the knots in my heart being undone. This is the best temporal solution EVER.

Once again, I love you. Thank you so much for your unwavering concern, companionship, jokes, support, assurance and JOKER'S LOVE these 6 years.

Jokers' Power, eternally.

dysphoria came at 1:07 AM