maybe me life was condemned long ago..ever since i first laid my foot in njc. im more than physically tired, my mind and emotions all wrapped up like a huge soccer ball. ha! why soccer ball, you ask. that's too evident for me to explain. so you see, my current life is nothing but cheerleading, homework, and him, him, him.

im depressed yet again. i doubt even fifi can help at all. i've been sneezing all day, suffering from uncontrollable shivers, headaches, puffy eyes and all...yet, can i rest? well NO! i have so much responsibilities that i cant just break down. you know, breaking down and simply skipping skool for a week is realy a much better option. but that's pretty selfish. i havent been smiling the whole day...which is sth really rare in my case. there's so much stuffs revovling around me, and i cant cope! i really cant...

sigh.

they say pouring one's heart out would lighten his burden? dear bloggy, i've yet to feel better. maybe this misery is too deeply planted into me heart, and is already extending it's stupid roots all over me mind. damn.

i dont wanna see him again. or i swear i'll collapse into a wretched ball, never to get up. emotions are worthless. they only pave the way towards me doom.

watch me fall. |

sth has seriously possessed me and forced me to sit in front of the comp this early in the morning. it's only 10 plus and im typing an entry already. hmm, i wonder if absence does make the heart grow fonder. that's basically just crap, for i was living perfectly well the past 2 weeks without the comp!

you know, dear bloggy, i cant confide all my thoughts in you anymore. a really irritating idiot has found out abt ya. one must be thinking why would i keep an online public journal if im uncomfortable with people reading it. it's ohk for me if strangers..or non-nj friends read it, but for a classmate...one whom i get to see everyday, it's an entirely diff case. *sigh* am i mad at him? nah, it's just embarassing for me to look at him now. haha.

if CHEONG QING YANG can read you, then other njcians might as well. lol. i should reveal less personal stuffs about meself from now on.

yay, am going to skool soon! will be anticipating the eating and meeting those seemingly long-lost friends =) will cya tonight if i can keep meself awake!

love,
vicks


|

that very sick smile.

that mud-coloured skin.

that "Carpet" like hair.

that almost malnutritioned body.

that tiny slit-like pair of eyes.

that shaking of his body whenever he's excited.

that impenetrable look he gives me.

that cold, merciless fist of reality that holds a tight grip on me

that rollercoaster series of emotions i've ridden

if this is more than an attraction, then i'll be damned.

|

about

Currently eighteen, and waiting for my angsty phase to run out. I'm a slave to books, to unfortunate circumstances like "exams" and "assignments". My expertise is my 100 decibel scream and barking laughter. I'm profoundly in love with NYC, and there isn't a second in which I don't wish for a life there.

This is not entertainment nor a place too seek for deep musings.This is the highly selective, highly biased, highly opinionated account of my life. I just write, as I feel. No, not think. Feel.

"Loss of Privacy" Index


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