Sunday, April 30, 2006
Dismember Me, And Take Your PickI wish you could stop being this giving, kind, noble, understanding... I really want to give you more, because you deserve so much more than a frayed, rotten heart which someone else has long laid claim on. But I can't. Oh why can't you understand this? I've dropped the MOST EVIDENT hints time and again, and yet you still remain this endearingly oblivious. 付出的爱收不回 还欠你的我不能给 What should I do? What can I do, before your lavish affections kill us both?
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I Wanna Be An Alexandra For You. I've always thought Trophy was as perfect as a guy can ever get. Well, that was until he sauntered into my life and left me smitten. Absolutely smitten. It's tough attaining perfection in my eyes, so you know he's of very high calibre. Just one glance cast in my direction is enough to send my heart singing in joy, my mind spinning in dizzy infatuation, my knees wobbly with excitement. It's almost like meeting 52 all over again, minus the mindboggling misery. This time it's just unadulterated, insane happiness. Heh. I'm sorry if I've bothered everyone on MSN tonight with my continuous raving. He's just SO DELECTABLE that you can have him RAW. I could watch him forever. Sigh. I hate it that this has since become a reality. They always say it's in human nature to desire the most what one can't possess. So I guess that explains my emotional state. 回头吧 不要走 不要这样离开我I'll give everything in my life to have him say that to me and mean it. Right, Wei? From now on, he's gonna be the last person I listen to and see before I sleep, and the first person to be so when I awake (:
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Because Love's FOCSo who's the couple bearing great resemblance to extras from Night of the Living Dead circa 2006? I wonder (: Actually I'm infatuated with pallor and fragility. Its only when I exibit such characteristics do I get spoilt with more love. There's the Mat who grabbed my arm when I was about the alight, with the truest sincerity etched on every line of his face going "Girl, are you okay or not? You look as though you're going to give way anytime." I think that's ultra heartwarming and endearing, and it almost made me tear because he reminded me so much of Jase. Mats are cute, period. If not for the Muslim conversion law, I'd like to own one eventually. Heh. And there's the man in the power suit who opened up his umbrella just to shelter me while crossing the road. And I still remember the boy who single-handedly saved my life the day prior to the release of results, with his shoulder, a bluetooth message and the most adorable smile on earth. I should really quit my indefinite hibernation and wander about outdoors more often, just for the chance of falling in love with random strangers (:
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Monday, April 17, 2006
Aspiring PsychologistOn a stormy Monday afternoon, I'm MSN-ing while on a vodka induced high, casting occasional glances at the painkillers (and not touching them at all) just so I could test the limits of my pain tolerance. It doesn't help that I'm bleeding and hurting in two places. The blood tastes coppery and a wee bit salty. As I admire the gauze dyed in red hues, I wonder just how much blood does an anaemic has to bleed? If I ingest a tiny amount of the blood, would my startlingly low RBC count be replenished? How long would I go on bleeding at this rate before the heart starts to fail? How long ,after the cessation of the heartbeat, would death come to claim me? I've found a new best friend in pain (:
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Friday, April 14, 2006
If Joy Was A Currency, I'd Be Gates Junior.- I like reminscing about our silly, but very endearing pacts and chuckling to myself over our immaturity. Remember how we promised each other we would be (or at least attempt to) happy always? Now I shall shake off my infidelity and resolve to be a psychologist, just because I've promised to sound you out. And there's the deal about me wearing my red, bookish, WAY OVER-PRICED glasses the next time we meet only if you were to wear that "disgusting gay shirt" yeah. I'm racked with uncontrollable laughter just thinking about how passers-by would react to this unbecoming duo- a pseudo-gay and a bisexual nerd (:
- During my weekly walks to the aerobics dance class, I'd ponder about how JW and I had seen each other way before we've known each other. It's inexplicable how the fact that she could remember my looks from long ago warms my heart and brings a reluctant grin to my face. To commemorate our amazing friendship, I'd wear the pair of shoes I bought on the fateful day we crossed paths to every session- it provides me with the extra bounce too! Heh. This is one of the very few instances in which I'd admit fate is sweet to me. I love how the two of us endured till the very last class, despite being the youngest and unfittest members. It's cute how we'll glance at each other's reflections in the full lengthed mirrors and burst out in continuous laughters from time to time. We're unabashedly rowdy when we should be well embarassed by our flexibility and fitness levels (:
- Every visit to the National Cancer Centre with the grandma would leave me in the brightest smiles, because the oncologist and his staff are very generous with their compliments. I have a thing for doctors, especially when they're ex-RJCians, articulate, charismatic and own hands that have a special touch. I like to think that surgeons have such delicate hands that they're blessed with soothing touches. Imagine having the top oncologist smiling indulgently, heaping loads of compliments, feeling his electrifying touch on your shoulder during every weekly appointment...man, it just does wonders to your confidence (:
- I like how Linus would inadvertently sweep up my hand into his when we cross roads, like what Mummy or Daddy or Grandma would do. It's just so....parental. For all my life, I'd grab onto companions whenever the need to cross the road arises, which is rather symbolic of my emotional attachment. I like holding hands, except nobody does that with me anymore. I get all wistful how the Darling, Boon, Hui and I would link arms whenever we were ordered to run about during NPCC. That was a time when physical affections were scoffed at, but we had so much love to express yeah. That was how we got our Jokers tag too eh, courtesy of Truth. I love Chus, for being the only one willing to allow me to link arms with her, cling onto her, pinch her and hug her during our entire shopping trip. I love Rong, for our various lesbian acts which would be too saucy for mention on this blog. I'm just more physical than the next girl yeah. (:
- Meredith and Derek in Grey's Anatomy is my fave telly couple, next to Summer and Seth. I could only gape in awe when Meredith marched up to him right after this surgery, and confessed "Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me." It's just so gutsy eh. Every episode is chock-full of poignant moments, you just can't stop mulling over the quotes. Meredith's espcially. I love unlikely couples (:
- Speaking of Seth, I've stopped yearning to meet someone him after realising how the boyfriend matches his immaturity, smart-alecky ways, and silly acts point for point. What's cute on the soapbox has become groan-inducing in reality (: (No offence meant Linus, but refer to point 4 to pacify your anger. heh. )
- Last night's episode of Lost really hit on this raw and tender spot in my heart I never knew existed. When they chanced on this store of food after starving for 44 days, the first thing Charlie requested for was peanut butter. Not for himself, but for Claire- just because she craved for it during her pregnancy. After 44 days of being marooned on an island, only a person blinded by love would be so crazy as to place another's CRAVING before his overwhelming HUNGER. Such grand, noble sweeps of romance just make me wanna cry forever. (:
- LeeHom's coming. JW and I are gonna make known our existance to him. And I'm gonna make sure whenever he's reminded of Singapore, I'll come to mind..in a good way of course. Oh and while typing this entry, the Darling and I have planned to stalk him during his entire stay here. Suddenly everyone's obsessed with this tall, lanky, skinny-faced stranger with a sexy American accent and HOOTTT unstyled hair. I LIKE!!! (:
- Wolf Blass' Shiraz is brilliant. I so recommend that people, cos it's cheap and good. An entire bottle of that, plus RnB on max. volume grants you reprieve (:
- Imperial Treasures beats Crystal Jade hands down. Fine-dining the Chinese way was never worthwhile until I came across it. Maybe it's my recent craze with all things Oriental, but Teochew cuisine rocks. I've switched camps now! It's the taste of delicate sincerity and wholehearted care that moved me. That explains why I'm insanely upbeat tonight, MSN-ing with 52353252 people, on a booze and music induced high, and trying to come up with this unusually long-winded list.
In short, I'm happy today. It took me about a thousand words to get to the point, but well, you can't blame a girl who regards Joy as a stranger for having trouble articulating her feelings. I love everyone. Peace!
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Dear DF, I wonder with all my heart and fucked up soul if you're just dense and oblivious, or playing elusive. Deep down in my depths, I doubt you're capable of such evil wrongdoings, but there's a tiny, breathing part of me (that's growing larger everyday with each game you play, with each meeting we have) that refuses to believe so. You're manipulative, scheming, and OH SO RUTHLESS. How could you leave my affections hanging in the air, and my heart craving so badly for just a little more of your attention? Oh, the mind games you play with me..they're so beautifully crafted, I'm beginning to admire them, to enjoy being taken for a ride. I'm a junkie of you. After these months of addiction, isn't it high time you increased your dosage of care and affections to what I once had? Don't go diffident and elusive on me now, you'll murder me with your own hands. And I wish I could send you this. I'll never have the guts to. We're just too awkward and uneasy aren't we? But in my twisted, psychopathic mind, I think those qualities define the best connection (spiritual and emotional) two extremely "reserved listeners" can ever have. I love you, but how do I tell you this with just the right amount of sincerity and a heartbeat shy of you know, what's meant to be true love? How do I convey all my bloody thoughts and affections about you without hurting you inadvertently? How do I define us? How do we go on from here, if what you desire isn't what I can offer? How do we flashback to the past, our exclusive past in which we had pure, wholesome bliss? Don't play with me anymore, because you know I do trust and rely on you like no other. Love, A sucker for your love and attention.
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