Thursday, February 26, 2004
-feeling: petrified. this IS hell!!!- -track spinning: " fly away" by fish leong- my stomach has been aching the whole day. this anxiety is really too much for a girl to bear. i mean, how cruel can life get? the education system is totally ruthless and unfeeling! all these sufferings wld be unnecesary if i were halfway arnd the globe. but well, i cant complain. singapore gave me njc. must learn to love it. lol. was worried since yest. depression, mood swings, scowls...u name it, i displayed it. my mind's full of imagination of what's gonna happen tmr now. i wanna know my results without opening the frickin slip! well, we all know what tt implies eh? i hafta be a top scorer for tt to happen. it's possible...isnt it? sigh, i dunno. just let my dream come true for once. i dont wan history to repeat itself (ie the horrid nightmare during psle). i want happiness...and most of all, im too deep in my feelings for him. i cant leave NJ, i just cant! i'll die!!!!! ah, tt's paranoia for you. i cant think in proper sentences now. look what has o levels done to me. im a wreck of emotions. cant sleep tonight. cant eat tmr. cant even manage a smile. sheesh..this is getting more depressing by the word. better end now. wish me the bestest of luck ya? i'll need it! may all beings above bless me! vicks
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Monday, February 23, 2004
-feeling: scared, like hell- -track spinning: " you make me wanna" by blue- [ah, nostalgia comes a-knockin'] i've been thru hell (well not really.), and survived! the flu and fever's quite gone by now, tho my stomach really hurt like crazy during pe. HAHA. maybe it's a psychological effect, due to my phobia of pe nowadays, but i seriously doubt so. the irony is, i was miraculously okay (and thereafter) when i realised we had freeplay today! yay! for the first time in my NJ life, i got to enjoy pe. haha. the whole class settled on captain's ball, and i played in nanhua style, ie, lotsa squealing, laughing and flailing arms involved. my team won btw, all thanks to yan (who's so super tall, he doesnt hafta jump), sumsum (my! he's nimle!) and mang..well, just for his effort =) hmm, i got to pinch sumsum too! =) he's really really endearing. didnt gel his hair today, which made him look all the more blur. how he reminds me of fifi! nah, there can nvr be a subsitute for Fi...well, i think sum was quite offended, cuz he went "wa lau.." he blushed too! sth fifi will nvr do...or mayb fifi does blush, except he's too tanned for me to tell. lol. eh, it's another reason for me to be happy, cuz there's a new pic of him in his hse notice board! =)=)=) there's more variety for my eyes now! lol. i saw him in a class rm too..cuz well, we were allowed to leave class, and get this!, go anywhere we want to complete our math assignment! wow-wee! i really really love mr lee. im so touched...he trusts us, is concerned abt us, and is so incredibly cheerful . he rox! went to the canteen, bought a drink, and did only two sums. lol. it's a cool experience. i'll promise to show more interest and put more effort in math now =) well anyway, he was sitting at the corner of the class, and i caught sight of him while walking back to my class. this bliss...it's hard to come by, well at least for me. he's the only reason i feel on top of the world. ah, come to think of it, it's an incident not even worth a mention in my blog, but well, it means a WHOLE LOT to me. =) everyone's saying tt we're getting our results on wed. sigh. it's damn sickening. it's dampening my spirits. i'll die if i hafta leave NJ. i cant ever give up my life here. i cant ever let go of my incredible class: 04s27. i cant ever be separated frm my funky clique. i cant spend a life without seeing him. man, pls pls pls let me stay in NJC. i dont care how many As i get. just as long as i remain in NJ, stay in my class...i wont ask for more. Bless me! with love, vic
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Saturday, February 21, 2004
-feeling: the horrid ache in my bones =(- -track spinning: nth.- it's 2 plus now..better make this a short entry, but then again, as i have had my fill of sleep, and all the time in the world, i guess i shouldnt be rushing so much lah. ok, the class party was quite a heart-warming one yest. yan, mang, shan and i arrived at hest's hse first. we played abt a million rounds of dai dee before the other big-shots strolled there. hmm, mangjuin's a really really nice guy. =) cuz you see, he was really concerned and patient with hest's brother (whom i call "xiao ba wang") tho her bro bullied him the most. haha, i know im biased, cuz other guys were patient with the small bully too. lol. we ate, talked crap, played more card games, took photos and watched tv, as usual. this is what i define a bonding session. =) i think i have one of the best-est class in the world, and am really thankful for it. it's prob due to the overload of chips tt im sick now. haha. anyway, i reached hm at 11.45pm and panicked like hell. hence, i set the alarm to 4.30am just so tt i have some time to cram in some maths formula. however being the hopeless pig tt i am, i only woke up at 6am. which is practically to late for anything, except to sleep more. and well, the test was easier than expected to tell you the truth. it's, erm, nh-standard. which means that i left a few blanks,as usual. Lol. it's "passable" as a whole. am relieved, but then again, it's only the start!! i was real bad today. as actually checking answers with mangjuin and fio, since we were in the LT, which makes talking and copying all the more simpler. But i must clarify sth: I DID NOT COPY! lol. we merely checked answers, and when i found them wrong, it's more often than not, a "heck lah" attitude =) see, i still have my principles. haha. i can feel the flu virus swarming in my body. am getting sick soon. The undescribable, irksome feeling in my respiratory tract tells me that. it's inflamed i think. urgh. that sorta ruined my mood for the day. haha. the only time i rmb laughing was when i saw "the face" frm weepin. it's hard to describe, shld have took a photo. LOL. i love the jokers in my class! oh, pe was horrid!!!! we did inclined pull-ups failed so embarassingly!!! i couldnt even do a proper one, so the very nice teacher had to assist me in doing 3. argh! i wonder what has gotten in to me. i used to be able to do 10, believe it or not! hmm, i must train. must train. must train. went west mall shopping with hest aft sch, yea..even tho i was sick. which girl in her right mind could resist a chance to shop? =) hmm, i like hest A LOT nowadays. she's so different frm the indifferent, serious tough chick i thought she was during the first wk of sch. she can let down her hair and go wacky too! =) erm, tho i cant help thinking tt everyone who comes in contact with me will become crazy. lol. (BE WARNED!) it was all aimless shopping tho, since i only had $6, and i had way too many clothes in my closet. but yea, im happy for the nice little bonding session =) erm, i sorta feel tired again. haha. the bed's calling out to me, and by now, my temperature prob has risen a few degrees. say high to fever! =) love lots, vicks
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Wednesday, February 18, 2004
-feeling: anticipative- -track spinning: "toxic" by Britney had dance today. as usual, im really really worn out. the warm-ups really stretch us to out limits! my leg was trembling a little, and i sweated like hell. hmm, at least sth good came out of it. I can FINALLY touch my knees with my head! lol, shall try to split and do the "bridge" next. i have this really huge problem with my waist. i just dont have enough strength there to support myself. argh! it's embarassing when everyone else can do it, but you cant. the instructor came today and taught us new sets of routine. they aren't exactly difficult, but the timing is super fast! i was rolling and tumbling on the floor so hard that my pitiful knees are covered in bruises. it's damn tiring, i tell you. but the sense of satisfaction tt comes with it is priceless =) due the the VP's farewell concert or some sort, we had little lessons today. yay! wanted to finish my econs..but argh, i only did one qns! tt is SOOOOO...pathetic. sigh, i think im getting more thick and complacent by the day. weep and co. were laughing at me again today! there's this thing with weep saying tt im "cute". whatever. i dont understand their joke, nor do i really care. but it sorta irritates me, esp with qy who keeps calling out my name. bleahz...he's annoying me more and more. oh, there's the class outing tmr. and math test on fri!! ahhh!!! havent even touched the notes yet! a panicky me! vicks
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Tuesday, February 17, 2004
-feeling: the intense, searing pain- -track spinning: "come clean" by hilary duff- im actually tearing a lot now. i promised to grow up, but this time, i really cant hold back the tears. i fell down in the bathroom, hit my chin on the basin, and am bleeding badly..till now. sheesh, there's a gash on my chin-does this mean im disfigured? it hurts like hell, i cant even open my mouth or turn my head without the wincing in pain. the pain will subside, but will the same go for the scar and bruised? oh, i really cant afford to look anymore uglier. LOL. i sound so terribly bimbo-tic eh? well, i cry partly due to my lousy mood too. was really hyper in sch, laughing and smiling for all my worth..but now, i miss him a lot suddenly. my, im getting more obsessive. i wonder why. the 27th is coming..im contemplating how to live a life without seeing him for a day. you know, just seeing his photo on the board, or even his backview, greatly brightens up my day. but after all tt 'glowing' feeling, the wistfulness would arrive, full-blown with pain et all. ah, i think i like someone whom i dont ever want to have a relationship with. it's a beautiful, beautiful paradox. my thighs hurt like hell, prob due to SBJ yest. cant even walk without a limp. you know, i think im gonna have muscle ache everyday, with pe and dance on every alternate day. LOL. at least we'll know i'll be more fit and erm, "flexible" in time to come. eh, weep (and qy i think) seem to make me their new entertainment nowadays. it's always ,"victoria!" followed by laughter. wth?? im getting quite (just a little) sick of my name now, with their immature teasings. love ya! vicks.
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Monday, February 16, 2004
-feeling: worn out- -track spinning: "Sway" by bic runga- am SO tired today. the PE was the most dreadful ever. since the moment the words "we're gonna test you on those items you've been training for for the past weeks" came rolling outta the teacher's mouth, my stomach disappeared into a bottomless pit. a cold fist clenched over my heart, and i was on the verge of palpitating. lol, it sounds exaggerated, but tt's really my reaction towards PE tests. we did standing broad jump and 2.4km run today. ah! SBJ!!! tt's like the most horrendous item of all. i have a phobia towards it. my hands were actually trembling when i got ready to jump..and in the end, i achieved a grand distance of 135cm!!! wow! it decreased by 30cm, an incredible achievement, eh? i cried a little, was too petrified and saddened i guess. sigh, if i stay in nj, i'll surely go for "special training"..even the teacher said so. 2.4km was quite disappointing too. my thighs and butt hurt like crazy after only one round of the track..tt i had to run like a duck. walked a whole lot. i think im getting less determined by the day. nvm, i shall find a source of motivation nex time =) tho most prob, it'll be thoughts abt him. haha, what else is there tt motivates me just as effectively? actually dozed off during math lesson. aww, i really didnt mean to. mr lee's my fave teacher, and i really love him to bits. i was fighting a losing battle against sleepiness since PE, and finally lost my rein on self-control then. math : it's a dry and boring subject when taught. im much more alert when doing sums tho. sigh, i wonder what mr lee thinks of me now. lol. he actually knew tt i was asleep (how cldnt he? i was seated at the middle of the front row!) but didnt even utter a complaint! im totally in awe of him. ya, he rox the hell outta me! =) when the lesson ended, he asked sacarstically, " eh, you're awake ah? finally awake? oh, when the lesson has ended, you're all more alert huh? " LOL. he's funny and nice. LOVE HIM LOTS! =) i shall make it a pt not to sleep during his lesson in the future. i respect him, unlike the stupid mr davidson. bleahz.. talking abt mr d, i laughed till tears rolled down during the bio lecture today. haha. he's unarguably the "lamest" person i've ever come across. you know, it's a humiliation to be under him. im being super mean again, i know..but, he's really damn irritating. feel like decapitating him sometimes. well, anyway, i laughed because of sth he uttered..he wasnt being funny on purpose, but you know, im cranky =) he mentioned "stephen hawking", and xiuhui asked me, " who is tt? superman?" omg!! it was hilarious. she's endearingly ignorant and cute without knowing it. oh, then mr d called someone who's name sounded like , "potato tan". the 4 of us collapsed in laughter..and hester questioned," i thought it was bandito tan?" LOL. the kfc meal? haha. oh, it sounds lame and un-funny typing it here, but well, i actually cried frm laughter..what do ya think? =) i love my clique to death! it really is fun, silly, noisy, gossipy and caring. sigh, i think i have the best friends in the world. am savouring this contentment tt's hard to come by these days. oh, i gave them nicknames too (yes, again!). fio is tapioca tan, hest is potato tan, xiu is yam tan, while im tomato tan! tt's besides the PPG nicks tt we already haf. eh, we're incredily childish for girls of our age huh? lol. but it is often the child-like and innocent tt enjoy true happiness. we have a theme song (a whole new world), and common snack ('zooland' animal biccies) and a pastime (laughing! wat else? ). lalala..this is truly bliss...i hope it never ends. i hope 27th never comes. even if it does, lets hope things remain as they are. my roots are deeply planted into nj, into 04s27, into this wonderful clique. and... there's him too. love lots, vicks
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Im starting a new blog. again. lol. Im always being incredibly fickle and indolent. ok, v day has came, conquered (ya, it conquered me) and passed. to be truthful, it was my first time ever celebrating it, and hmm...i cant say tt i didnt enjoy it =) there was the road run at turf city in the morning. i was really psyched up for some reason, prob due to the prospect of receving pressies! yay~ Distributed flowers (they look like sunflowers, tho i forgot their names. Ger-something.), which embarassed me to no end the previous day as i had to lug to lumpy packages all the way hm. oh, i love ALL the pressies btw. esp my angel-cum-mortal's (wanxuan). So pretty!! the run was more of a walk for the grp of us. we faked running a little, but walked most of the journey. funny how we were worrying being the last few ppl of the girls' event when we didnt even put in effort. ya well, i sprinted for like, the last 100m? lol, tt was only because all the other spectators were watching. actually, there wasnt any use running, since by being the last few, it's quite evident tt im "unfit" already. haha, but well, didnt want him to think tt im a slacker. then, fio and weep conspired against me!!! well, fio kept askin me if i wld let her ask him to pass me a flower...just for the kick of it. i refused (of course!), cuz it'd be so shameless and pathetic. it wont come frm his heart, so what's the frickin use. but when i was on the phone with fifi, he actually approached me!! i only realised it when i saw him walking towards me..which was much too late beat a hasty escape. he handed me fio's flower and said," your secret admirer wants me to give this to you". man, tt was horrific! weep actually pretended to be my secret admirer..just so he could talk to me. ah well, fio and weep were sweet i admit. but it was humiliating, cuz he already knows what i feel towards him. i shant try to attempt to analyse his thoughts, i can never understand guys. thinking back, those were the first words he spoke to me! heh, i must rmb tt =) oh, he knows who i am now too (tho i think he knew it long ago..cuz of an idiot called merv) went out with fifi,zhe,chus,rose,huiwen,hanling,sharon and xiuhui aft tt. we left early, much to my protests. i didnt want to miss the prize-presentation!!! he got 3rd i think..which made me damn proud =) typical outing. quite boring, if not for the silliness. we took really cute neoprints...one with fake lips on fifi! lol, he's soooo adorable. i was actually surprised tt he agreed to come with us. well, tt goes further to show tt he's the best guy i've ever known =) were all teasing him and hanling. persuaded him to buy roses for her, and he agreed after much effort by me. silly fifi, i wonder where did guys' initiative go? then chus reminded me sth. hanling doesnt like him. at all. i was consumed by guilt then. fi actually spent $20 on her gift..when she didnt smile upon receiving it. i wld be SO touched if i were her. i really want a happy ending for fi. tho i really cant bear to tell him how hanling feels towards him (he still doesnt know). it's not her fault, i know. u cant force these kinda things. we left early, all too tired i guess. haha. most of them proceeded to jjc. was feeling forlorn all of a sudden, so didnt want to dampen their spirits. and well, i miss fifi! the time together was sooo short. there will nvr be a replacement for him, i can bet my life on tt. he rox =) ya know, being very dumb, i actually allowed myself to like him for just one day. i aint love-sick or sth. really. it's just tt it was soooo painful restricting my feelings these weeks. i wanted to actually be happy for once. oh, i was really happy during those hours..but now tt vday has passed, im struggling like hell to let go. i shld have known! werent my past experiences enough of painful lessons???? once the feelin has settled in, it's hard to make it budge. performed at the woodlands civics centre today. the make up was thick, but i actually love the way i look. lol, it's the novelty i guess. i like the hairstyle too! yay, i did it myself =) hmm..as i was quite an "extra", it was rather embarassing. who cares tho. at least i can dance now. haha. watched moulin rouge. man, it was beautiful! the setting, the story, and the lines esp! who wrote those songs?!! nicole was stunning, tho ewan could look much more dashing =) im actually feeling really wretched tonight. im sad. everything seems to revolvr around "love" nowadays. and im super-sensitive towards it now. lol. it's tragic. well "tmr is another day". and it's sch day! lol, i shld let him go i know..but it could cost me my life. love lots, vic
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