Will I Still Be Cuffed Should My Arm Be Dismembered?

So yes he jumped onto the tracks and got crushed under the train. All that was left was his hand, the poor solitary lonesome hand on the platform.

Such a lonely death!

That was my very first thought. You know, it's akin to how you're always surrounded by throngs of people clamouring for your attention (selfish jerks with their own evil intentions) but still feel cold and empty inside. Well dying alone is a million time worse because one would expect the final moment to be spent surrounded with love and happiness to be able to leave with no regrets yeah.

I wonder how miserable he must have felt.

I'm guilty for even seriously contemplating joining him. Not only because of my disregard for life, but no one should really die alone, should he?

At least my company would be enjoyable (: |

I'm WAAYY behind on my happy posts of the week but heck lets just live for the moment.

As of now I'm switching camps from the darling Hom-Boy to Jay because you love him. And this duet with Landy is making me miss you, well, maybe more of our risque banter filled with tsk tsk undertones. Intelligence in a guy is sexy as hell no doubt, but I'm loving it even more that we respond so well to each other. The sacarsm, the teasing, the mockery, the caustic wit, the unintended charm, the flirtatious factor...Ohhhh I'm so hooked that I live in school only for more weekly 2 hours sessions. I bet you'll never know that I smile to myself whenever I relive every one of our convos in my mind?

I've subconsciously reserved the whole of the study break, Christmas eve and POTO for you. Don't think they'll ever be realised; I won't allow either. Instincts, tsk. They just creep beneath your ribcage and seize your heart all of a sudden so regardless of how rational your brain wills it to be, it'll still fall prey to that one fortunate subject.

So these are my secret desires/fantasies that shouldn't even appear on my blog. But well, I guess my infidelity tendencies are rather notorious now no? It's not lust. It's not even the desire to be romanced. It's just....the tension, the company of an equally random and irrelevant and zany counterpart that appears to be the WHITE-HOT novelty of the moment. |

Fifi Like No Other

I just want to say, you aren't my bestie for nothing.

I'm glad I was the only one who waited out in unrelenting patience like the most unfortunate fool perhaps-but look where it got me today! Not much to others, but the world to me (:

Of course things never remain the same, especially since the onset of major developments like your NS and my uni life (and I'm still very much in love with the uniformed days when I claimed full possession of you) but I guess when you grow up, you learn to be less uptight about issues that matter. More jaded, more apathetic perhaps, but like the boyfriend says, it's life.

It's very special that the very essence of our memories could be relived by us only. We had many beautiful days didn't we? We've grown up together, and now I still insist on bringing you clubbing and being my bestman at my wedding (should I finally change my stance on cohabitation HA.) and naming my kids after you.

Time to grow old together now (: |

With Happiest Salutations

(Fragmented thoughts as I'm wayyy too tired)

Gorgeous solitary night walk from LT 32 to YIH and back, enveloped by the cool night air, serenity and hazy surrealism. It was as if my damn hectic but fulfilling campus life is just dream. You just don't know how beautiful the campus is at night....so enchanting, I almost got swayed by its spell and fell for the next available stranger.

Musing and observing and simply enjoying my own company. It's been a long time since I even had the time to....reflect and contemplate.

Adrenaline rushes, stomach breeding butterflies and cardiac arrests thanks to Triple G. 2 hours per week is never enough. I love our intellectual banter, relentless sarcasm, and almost visible static in the air (: The invitation of the year, now what do I make of it? I wish you could have waited and suggested something more...wholesome.

Heart-to-heart talk with people who appreciate while the rain poured down in buckets relentlessly, but feeling warm and cosy because no where feels as homely as NUS. I felt fuzzy and blissful both inside and outside. Thank you for recognising my uniqueness and loving me all the same. (:

And best of all, a long awaited movie (after spending a whole day crying) with him. It's the simple things in the right moments that count the most. The perfect ending to a perfect day.





Henceforth my reconcillation with my long-lost Social Life commences. This marks the start of my rightfully deserved Social Week! (: |

Behold My First Caffeine Trip in 5 Years.

I've the sweetest friends in the world.

Who says it's tough being in love? I know I'm surrounded by it 24/7 and it doesn't matter who dispenses it...just as long as I'm spoilt silly.

Oh well I guess I'm leaving out this one person. This one that I've been inadvertently dreaming of day in and day out, and been looking out for subconsciously. This very one that I've been meaning to manipulate into giving in to this one very very very special desire of mine.

Just a night.

Just a show.

Just an inspiration.

Just me.

Would you mind?





Another barely comprehensible entry, but now I blame it on Hans, for influencing me into drinking coffee. Hans the heroic fireman, but the most adverse influence on innocent little girls ever! |

Dear Boyfriend,

I'm sorry, thank you very much and I love you.

Some things just need no explanation (:

I may not profess it, but you really mean wayyyyy more than LeeHom or 52 or Fifi or that eye candy. And sometimes I'm afraid that I've grown to need you more than I would have ever admitted.

So here's to the many days ahead of us!

XO,
Vic. |

Incoherence Is My Forte

I'm stressed, tired, overwhelmed and damn near to a breakdown that would render me a wreck for life-but since when am I not like that on perfectly normal school days? Since when have I not looked on with immense envy at those who juggle 5 CCAs, tests and assignments when I'm whining at every opportunity I can at being bogged down by only 2 pathetic CCAs, occasional tests, infrequent assignments and 3 tiny-weeny inconsequential simultaneous projects?

Circumstances have made it such that I must profess my undying love for you. Yes, not a single soul who doesn't know us is fortunate enough to be left ignorant-I've left no stones unturned during those carefree years of growing up yeah. But it is now, right at this moment when memories are yellowed around the edges of my mind and I'm so close to losing grip on reality (and apparently my own emotions too) that I must say, every gesture/word/look from you still matter. You're cordial to me tonight, that should suffice. Don't you see my dear, you don't even have to be nice to buy me happiness.

Sometimes, more often lately and in those years, but less frequent in between, I wish I could hold you up in my room forever. Not for obvious reasons, but rather, to have someone to cling onto when there's nothing I have left that's worth treasuring anymore. Nothing. But you. You're always the special one.

I'm an emotional leech.

I miss you badly.

I need you.

I'll love you forever. |

Why MD Is Love

M: Stop looking at me!

D: I'm not looking at you. I am not looking at you!

M: You are looking at me. And you watch me. And Finn has plans. I like Finn. He's perfect for me, and I'm really trying here to be happy, and I feel like I can't breathe. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that, so just stop!

D: You think I want to look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married. I have responsibilities. She doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veternarian touching her with his hands. Man, I would give anything to not be looking at you!

And then they got down to it in the OR.

I love moral dilemmas, I love 4-sided relationships and most of all anger, misery and passion make the best combination love can ever provide (: |

Does Kookiness Earns Brownie Points?

So the unanimous verdict has been passed- Vic has extraordinarily unusual (though not necessarily unpalatable...because all you need is patience and sense of adventure to appreciate) taste.

I've watched Signs (yes unarguably the worst Shyamalan movie, or so they say!) for the nth time and cried buckets to it. I get all warm and fuzzy and touched at the slightest sweet gesture and laugh at the most usual of behaviour. Now compare this to the troop of unfortunate victims whom I've persuaded to catch out of pure charity of wanting to share something 'good' (which in this case is evidently subjective) who drifted off 15 mins into the movie.

And I'm SO not catching The Departed because I'll always be vehemently insisting that NOTHING beats Infernal Affairs. I'm so sorry darling, but I'm the perfect personification of brand loyalty. I mean, who are DiCaprio, Wahlberg, Damon and Nicholson (nothing but "substance" actors who are only labelled so cos they're soooo lacking in the looks department) compared to MY Shawn Yue, Tony Leung, Andy and Edison? Watching The Departed would be sorta betraying one of my fave movies, no matter how critically acclaimed the former is.

edit: So I've relented, but we're still not catching it after all. Thank you for always compromising WAY more than I do; maybe that's why you mean the most to me (:











And you guys prolly won't know that I'm addressing you, but I'm still waiting for the right candidate I guess. Classic example of "It's not you, it's me!". Thanks so much anyway, I think I'm really blessed with the sweetest friends <3 |

POTO Returns.

So yes, I'm in dreadful need to be romanced, to be swept off my feet by an intricately crafted event of great tragedy and love, of which absence is painfully jarring since my 52 days.

It's funny how I reminsce my dying youth according to the objects of my infatuation, but well I guess this goes to show I LIVE AND BREATHE on my warped ideals of love.

Anyways, point I wanna make is that Phantom will arrive on our shores on Mar23!!! But apparently no one in my social circle loves it enough to splurge $80 on a VIP seat. I mean, it's ONLY $80 FOR A VIP SEAT AT THE ESPLANADE FOR POTO! Gosh, the only reason why I haven't rushed to get a ticket is because I'm a sucker for company :(

And the only person whom I know could part with his cash willingly and still enjoy a wonderful wonderful evening with me (honestly who wouldnt? heh!) is the person I'll never ever approach voluntarily again.

Sigh, it really does seem like I've to forgo what will be my favourite musical of all times. |

After dedicating a third of my life, my whole adolescence to you inclusive of all the terms of endearment, tears and sacrifice, you have come to regard me as your "dear princess".

HAHAHAHA.

What's even more puzzling is your desire to meet up.

Like, OMG. Imagine an inanimate block of wood taking the initiative! Tsk. I feel spoilt with all the attention already (: |

Campus Life Thus Far

Anonymous Nobody: Vic!!! You're so unfair la!
V: Huh, why?
AN: Don't act la, I saw the look on your face!
V: Wa lao, what look? Very ugly issit.
AN: How your eyes...no your ENTIRE face brightened when you saw him! You say unfair or not la, you were sulking throughout lecture and no matter what I did you didn't smile. Now a glimpse of him brightens your entire day I suppose?
V: Don't have la! He's just.....a nobody.
AN: Right, more like, your "Gaga Guy"

So, that's how he became my triple G. Though I've secretly harboured the hope for him to be named triple X, because that would be reflective of my darkest desires. HAHA.

Right.

And while we're at it, here's the cutest/dirtiest (depends on your maturity) Mid-Autumn Fest riddle I've ever come across, courtesy of silly Syikin:

I become big when you blow me. What am I? |

The Greatest Challenge of All.

Sometimes I wish I could take you by the shoulders and shake some sense into you.

To have you look at me like you did once a long time ago, and realise what your neglect has done to me. So what am I? A pretty ornament picked up from a store and left on the shelf, never to be cared for again?

I wish destiny would be on our side, so we wouldn't be playing this many mind games. I know you're tired of them, well dear, so am I. You don't know how close am I to throwing in the towel once and for all. Okay so you did take the very very very initial step, but can you bear to leave it just at that? I can't be trying forever, you're the very first person who made me forgo all senses of self-worth and pride-shouldn't that suffice? Can't you appreciate my exclusively painstaking efforts?

So they say I'm enigmatic. Oh boy, you're by far the greatest enigma I've ever encountered in my 19 years of life. So what happens when there's an inexplicable chemistry between two enigmas? They try to suss each other out till they wear themselves out? They're so similar that each would never unravel their innermost feelings to the other?

Because rationality and apathy infuriates me, I'll never try to figure out what's in your mind. I once thought we were the same, but it seems...not anymore.

I want to own you. Badly. To claim SOLE entitlement on every aspect of your being.

And that's only because I know I never can.

I really hope something happens to salvage the situation, because I'm so close to giving it all up; and if I do, it'll haunt me for the rest of my campus life. |

about

Currently eighteen, and waiting for my angsty phase to run out. I'm a slave to books, to unfortunate circumstances like "exams" and "assignments". My expertise is my 100 decibel scream and barking laughter. I'm profoundly in love with NYC, and there isn't a second in which I don't wish for a life there.

This is not entertainment nor a place too seek for deep musings.This is the highly selective, highly biased, highly opinionated account of my life. I just write, as I feel. No, not think. Feel.

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