Either You're In, Or You're Out.
(pun intended heh)

Today I left tears on your shirt.

There was anger, definitely. There aren't many occasions in my life that I fume so badly, I tremble. Oh I really visualised the end then. I could even feel how it was like-so realistic, because I know I wanted it to happen.

With each outburst, YOU push us closer to the edge. And I know dear, it's only a matter of time before I'm peering down the abyss in half-desolation, half-anticipation.

We can try again. Just like we've decided to the last time, the last last time, the last last last time...but there's only so many times you can hit restart. The human heart isn't made to withstand forgive and forget infinite wrongs that others have committed against you. It may be willing, but memory isn't all too forgiving and easy on sinners. Reality isn't like getting a F for a test and being told "Try Harder!". You can put in all your mighty effort but still the scarring of bad memories and heartaches remain.

And my eyes hurt like crazy now. From the incessant rolling and relentless tear-shedding.
I don't think a relationship should cause this much suffering.
It really shouldn't.




Despite my lost faith, I went back to that place where I was given hope only to be ruthlessly robbed of it again. It was to pray for the Darling and her loved ones. I don't know what else I can do for her. May she be blessed with all the support, happiness and love that she needs. Take care Darling, and love ya! |

Last Christmas, I willed you to fulfil my wish. And maybe, if you were spontaneous and wild enough to kiss me under the mistletoe, we would have different endings. Still, it's not that bad being soulmates now does it?

This Christmas, because of unmentionable issues, I've chosen to be alone and god it's so easy to fall for the next available (suitable of course) person who offers one solace. This ain't exactly loneliness, but there's an inexplicable sense of emptiness that longs like crazy to be filled. So you came sauntering along-yes I could have all the dates I want if I even bothered, but you're the one who has taken permanent residence in my mind. Because I love my boy more, and because I only crave company and you happen to provide the best for the moment, nothing could ever materialise.

Oh what a difference a year can make! Come next Christmas, I wish I'll have cleansed myself of all secret, depraved desires and have YOU by my side (: |

about

Currently eighteen, and waiting for my angsty phase to run out. I'm a slave to books, to unfortunate circumstances like "exams" and "assignments". My expertise is my 100 decibel scream and barking laughter. I'm profoundly in love with NYC, and there isn't a second in which I don't wish for a life there.

This is not entertainment nor a place too seek for deep musings.This is the highly selective, highly biased, highly opinionated account of my life. I just write, as I feel. No, not think. Feel.

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