Wednesday, March 10, 2004
-feeling: wistful- -track spinning: "flyaway" by fish leong- right eye was twitching since after school. i dismissed it as a consequence of insufficient sleep initially. that was until i walked out of sch, and walked right past him!!! omg, i was too shocked to even react! had a short talk with the seniors of dance after school. hmm..it placed me in a terrible dilemma. i dont hate dance, it's fulfilling, really. however, i really cant stand the thought of humiliating myself in front of the more "expert" dancers..esp guofeng. so yep, i cant ever catch up with them, and stand out on my own either. so what's the frickin use if i stay huh? ah, tt's the deep irony of life. i'd love to perform..but, sigh..forget it. am considering eldds and angklung now. i really believe i'd be able to excel better in 'em. besides, there's russel in el too! =) hmm..as for passing by him. heez, it really does deserve a paragraph on its own. lalala...ok, was climbing up the stairs along the bridge with my clique. my right eye suddenly twitched a lot. i stopped in my tracks, intending to whine to fiona. lol. tt was when i looked up, and voila!!! there stands joy personfied! for a split second (it was really a split second, cuz i looked down really quicly) our eyes met. once again, i felt inconsequential, ugly, annoying. hmm, people, you should be proud of me that i didnt scream! yes, for once!! anyway, try imagining what would have happened if i screamed? man, i wouldnt even dare to attend school anymore if i did. it may sound cliched, but time really seemed to stopped that fateful moment on the stairs. freeze-frame. yea...that would describe what happened if we were in a movie. but well, deeply embarassed, i walked up quickly, tryin to continue a rather strained conversation with fiona. lol, i had to behave naturally! the happiness came minutes too late. was only screaming when i reached the bus stop. haha. is tt an improvement guys? hmm, im really blur and thick lately. xiu says it's because of tt piggy winnie-the-pooh decoration on my bag. eh, is it really so? thick and complacent. tt's a really tragic combination for you. am really stressed now. with the cca thingy and the bio test tmr!!! ahhhh! i guess i only have myself to blame for not studying...but well, my attitude needs some serious rectifying. im beginning to hate study more and more (not tt i ever loved it, but at least i was once enthusiastic!) wish me luck, vicks :)
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Sunday, March 07, 2004
-feeling: hyper- -track spinning: "kiss me" by six pence none the richer- changed my blog music. "kiss me"...it's highly addictive ya? lol. it brings back nostalgia, as well as the many ideals of romance i used to have. am revisited by the image of paris. very sweet and romantic..sth only this song can bring =) anyway, i attended the dance performance yesterday. man, it was AWESOME with the capital A! i guess professionals are really professionals. it was my first time ever attending a performance that comes close to being classified as "cultured". i mean, it;s kallang theatre. there has to be some "class".the audience was well-dressed, as in, most girls wore skirts and most guys wore loafers. very impressive. everyone was confident, charismatic and poised. most were dancers, i presume. lol. imagine me trying to fit in. i felt like the hunch-back of notre dame! with my very horrid posture, awkwardness and all.. as for the dancers, erm..they were very gd looking. at least most are. the performance..man, i was awe-struck! it's so damn captivating that i was struggling to savour every moment of it. dance moves were swift and precise, music was enchanting, storylines struck many a chord. cant believer i can actually enjoy sth so rich in chinese culture, cuz i usually find it too profound for my understanding. buy hey, i actually did!my fave dance piece was this "wen tian xiang" one..he's sorta a hero in chinese history. forgot about his story tho..learnt it during hcl lessons before. it makes me crave to be a star dancer. but can i? NAH..it's pretty obvious. there's this guy called guofeng, who's more than your average guy. he's actually the same age as me, and is the lead dancer for many performances! whoa! getting into thedance troupe is prestigious enough...imagine dancing a lead role! i'd go crazy with euphoria!! heard he'll be trying to get into nj. hope he does..more eye candy! =) i saw vincent ng too! he's very friendly..the boy-next-door type. many girls were fawning over him..and our dearest hest was going ga-ga! man, he's not good-looking...'he' is better. lol. heard vincent ng used to be in nj's lion dance troupe. hmm, tt cca must be really of high standards then! yea, the show ended really late..11 plus. went home with joy in my heart, confusion in my mind. lol. why confusion, u ask? cuz..well, im still pondering if i should continue being in dance. love, vicks
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Friday, March 05, 2004
-feeling: on cloud nine -track spinning: " too lost in you" by sugababes" im so so happy today. it's because of him mainly. oh, i really do love him a lot. eh, mayb it isn't exactly love, just erm....some intense lust? lol, i hope not! PE was satisfying today. i think this ecstasy is really getting to me. haha, cuz we ran abt 4km today...and i almost died. i was so grateful to fio, who kept running beside me, encouraging me, pushing me and a lot more. she totally rox! we ran a very grand total of 8 rounds around the track, and tt wouldn't suffice. our very understanding pe teacher suggested a "big to small" game. well, it's obvious enough. we hafta start from the biggest round, then proceed slowly to the smallest round. eh, i think i slacked a lot tho. cuz it didnt seem as "deadly" as the 2.4km run to me! aww...im getting more hopeless by the day. im damn disappointed with my performance tho. i think im practically the last in class! argh! i MUST be more motivated. shall think of him next time..it helps ya know? =) ok, i saw him aft pe. it was his break period. oh man, i dont know if he caught sight of me, but i dearly hope not! i looked really ugly then, with sweat, sunburnt face, puffy eyes et all. he was at the drinks stall, and so my whole clique, being very nice, proceeded to queue behind him! =) after much scruntinisation, i realised he changed his shoes! and wallet too! lol. he's wearing black and red (dunno the brand) shoes now, and uses a grey wallet (xiuhui told me). tum-di-dum. i sound really stalker-ish, but he really drives me crazy. the feeling i get when he's in close proximity is undescribable. i'd feel like dying of happiness. think i said some silly things (yes, again!) then. well we all know how many decibels my stupid voice can reach..so yea, he most prob heard me. geez..im really an embarassment! he bought ribena and fired prawn noodles too! hahahaha. he's so endearing! lalala, ribena? tt's only for kids huh..shows tt he has tt kiddy side to him. well, there goes my load of crap again. =) i wonder how can i ever harbour hopes of him liking me? it's impossible. we-an entity? tt's laughable. haha. nvm. im quite okay really. just looking at him from afar is enough to give me happiness. i love him. quite a lot. =) ok, sch's getting pretty stressed up lately. have lotsa catching up to do. and there's the bio test too. major worry for me in the days to come. bleahz...better go now. till nex time! vicks
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Wednesday, March 03, 2004
-feeling: suicidal- -track spinning: "the trouble with love is" by kelly clarkson im truly sad now. my frens seem to be leaving nj one by one, and it's tearing me up frm the inside. first it's fio, then rose, then huiwen. they mean the world to me! friends are the reason (well, mayb him too) tt im staying in nj, and now...this?? sheesh, shld i have gone to hc instead? am i regretting now? oh, i really hope not. hc....it's damn alluring now i tell u. if only we had more time to contemplate! why weren't we granted more time? the stupid stupid moe! it's ruined many a future! =( now im really hot and bothered abt my cca and subject combi too. argh. im regretting and contemplating a whole lot lately. left sch with a terrible headache and hideous frown on my face. if not for the nice little eating session at KAP with hest and fio, i would have died of misery. lol. serious! haha. eating cheers me up, but friends are the light of my life! oh, i skipped dance prac too. im seriously considering quitting it. am damn guilty tho. the seniors are nice, i spent a fortune on the jazz pants and ballet shoes, i've spent hours suffering to perfect the art...and now it's all going to waste. i think im really getting from bad to worse. first i skipped tutorials, then cca...what next? well let me tell you, i wanna skip sch for one day, to crash acjc! hmm, might as well life live to the fullest during the first 3 mths. it's a time for some intense rule-breakings. fifi and yingxiu came today! shrieked like crazy when i caught sight of him in the canteen. heads turned, eyes stared..but well, what do they expect?? i miss him like hell. pinched and patted his head a lot. ah, it made me happy for a while at least, just spending lunch with him. =) fifi, maybe he'll be a substantiable enough reason for me to be happy in nj. ok, there's no hw today. but well, i still dont feel like updating one the events of past days. haha, blame in on pure indolence! would rather go study for bio test. so there, till next time dearie! love, vicks
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-feeling: dead confused- -track spinning: "red-blooded woman" by kylie minogue- im sick with my frustrations and second thoughts about my choice of jcs now. the post-results happiness have long subsided. look, it's 2.35am, and what the hell am i doing online? ain't it obvious? im soooooooooooooo bothered tt i cant even close my eyes now! (well i have been asleep since 7pm anyway..haha, too tired) crashed hcjc's chem lecture with fio and yan today. wow, im really impressed with the sch. have always been, ever since the first time i stepped into it (the openhse). to tell u the truth, how i regret crashin hc! it never occured to me to consider having an education there. it's way too cheena and stressful. but now, i actually am quite in love with it! ahhhhhh....shldnt have skipped my gp and bio lessons intentionally. i thought it wld be fun just "roamin" abt a new sch compoud, but no! my confusion has reached a new high. yan was persuading me to stay in nj, while fio was more partial towards hc. there's one thing i hafta agree with yan tho, tt is the ppl there can clinch fantastic results without mugging..and if im one of em, i'll surely "be labelled as stupid", to quote him. u may think , "what abt nj?" . hmm..im still very much obsessed with it. i mean, my class is here, my 4-1=3 clique still remains, and most imptly, i still get to see him everyday if i stay! it's a very slack sch, contrary to what others think. well mayb im fortunate to get a "slackers' class"...but hmm, i really really love nj to bits! then again, tt bitch is coming. yes, she really is. i bet u she's gonna charm all the guys here, and mayb snag him too. and i'll die of misery in some dinghy classroom, surrounded by my very worried friends. lol. i can imagine their expressions if i cry. geez, i sound horribly pessimistic huh? i dont care anymore, nj's my happiness...and im gonna enjoy it while it lasts. someone told me that jc life is gonna be the most fun yrs of education. so yep, i might as well spend it somewhere i truly belong, ie nj. so thx bloggie. i miraculously am blessed with a clearer picture after crapping so much. yep, am gonna stay in nj. it better be worth it tho. it has nvr been my dream sch, nor do i love the compound (it's really old and quite sucky). happiness ovr future, love ovr education. i was nvr practical, and always shall be emotional. lets see where it brings me this time. love lots and lots and lots, vic ps it's been pretty eventful the past few days. i promise a blow-by-blow acc soon!
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