The most wistful confessions picked out randomly from the vast corners of the Net (and they all make me cry):

• I think I want you to think about me instead of him but I dont want to make you sad, ever.
• I love her, I can't live without her.....yet I hate her and I want to die at the same time...shes with someone that doesn't deserve her...why can't she see? But apparently I'm not good enough for her anyways
• I love another man. A married man. I don't think things will ever be right for me, from this point on. I can marry and pretend, but I think I will love this other man forever. I do not want to be around him, he has hurt me. But when I see him, or speak in passing, it rips my heart out and I have to go away so that I can cry. I will never be happy
• I cannot tell you I love you and hardly ever reply with "I love you too" when you tell me you do, because I'm not 100% it really is love. I know that's pretty bad, but I just can't. I'm just not sure.Sometimes I think I love you more than anything. On other days, I feel like I could easily go without you for months. Or at least that's what I think at times.I suck. You love me so much and I'm not even sure I love you.
• I want you to ask me to marry you, or come with you.I want you to take me everywhere with you.I want you to take care of me.I want you to decide for me.I want to go with you and be with you always.Please ask, just ask and I will come.

Oh, they are so deliciously sad. Wonderful food for my soul, since I actually find fragments of myself in them. It is, indeed, one of the greatest feeling in the world when you have your innermost thoughts voiced out by others, without wrecking your brains to verbalise them.

Misery loves company. And surprisingly, I have it.

Love, Vicks

|

Im back, and frickin frustrated with every innocent thing, because of this eff-ing humidity.

IMMA ANGSTY, HOT-BLOODED TEENAGE GIRL NOW.

hohoho!

Anyway, forget about those previous 2 entries. Ruddy, half-minded creations in 5minutes always suck. Gonna delete them soon. This explains why I wont be blogging till next year peeps (which is only 2 days lah!). Im ashamed of my standards, and so sick and tired too. I need time to adapt to these wicked weather, as well as the routine lifestyle Im gonna have when the stooooopid school starts. This makes me eager, SO eager to start life away from home.

Oh, you sickening, ruthless A Levels! Hurry up arrive and spare us all the senseless studying! Next year's gonna be the worst one of my education, and I think, only fantasising about migration would sustain me. Im flying off as soon as I can...and I know Im "counting my chickens before they're hatched", cuz the year hasnt even started yet!!


Never before have I been so filled with dread and gloom of a new year. But anyway,


HAPPY 2005! HAVE A JOYOUS NEW YEAR!

(And if you havent noticed, i think contradictions are ever so beautiful :) )





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Im flying off tomorrow. It's weird that Im not as excited as I expected. Have I matured SO much over the year, that the prospect of a white christmas abroad, and the chance to ice-ski all i want, simply lost their appeal? Damn!!

Now now. Before you start reprimanding me for being an ungrateful spoilt brat, I wish you could know HOW much I hate Korea. Bahhhhhhhh!!!! I just want Morocco/Spain/Italy/Vienna. I don't appreciate snow. Honestly, why are Singaporeans that obsessed with white, spotty flakes raining down on em during Yuletide? (My Mum's one of em. And thus this very unfortunate trip to Korea :( ) Well I can lock you up in a freezer and throw white confetti on you ya know?

I WANT TO EXPERIENCE THE RICH, THRIVING CULTURE OF ABOVEMENTIONED COUNTRIES! I WANT TO FEEL THE LIFE OF ARTS AND MUSIC RUSHING THROUGH MY VEINS AND EVERY SINEW OF MY BEING. I WANNA BE SWEPT OFF MY FEET BY GORGEOUS, HOT EUROPEAN BOYS!

hmph!! After 'A' levels, if my parents dont give me those, mark my words...I'd travel on my own!! :)

Throughout my 17 years, this have always been my favourite Xmas jingle:

All I Want For Christmas Is You

Santa wont you bring me
the one I really need
wont you please bring my baby to me

I dont want a lot for Christmas
this is all Im asking for
I just wanna see my baby
standing right outside my door

Cause I just want you for my own
more than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
all I want for Christmas is you

Those were my 3 favourite verses, and I always sang along to them. Haha, it'll be a miracle if I can ever remember the entire song. Well anyway, I guess you guys would've predicted who the song's directed to eh?

Im gonna miss seeing him on the teevee/papers/computer. Im gonna miss his soulful serenades (on my comp! haha). What's worse is Im gonna miss his performance at a charity show on Channel8 this Sunday.

I'd like to capture the energy you radiate ... I'd keep you in my jar - as my very own firefly and my days will never be dark again.
|

From now on, whenever I go to town (or wherever relevant), I shall make it a point to travel past Sembawang. Yeah, even though I live at Bt Batok, and travelling in that direction would cost me 10 mins of my life. Heh. It's frickin worth it, you know why??

Im not gonna tell you, cuz Im SLY :)

I heard he hangs out at Sun plaza pretty often, and takes the MRT every now and then! Why did he move from Jurong huh? I havent figured that out. Bahhhhhh!! Sembawang is darn far away! I shall get Lucky-Piggy Nan to be my spy :)

I intended to be all philosophical (ala Kel) and profound tonight, but "researching" (hem! hem!) abt Sly always gets me light-headed. HA HA HA! Call me a bimbo, I dont care. It's worth it.

For him.

A really sweet phrase I've been dying to share with you guys:
"I wanna give you a present, but I need your hand as a wrapping paper."

By the way, I think Taugay (ah! Im mean aint I?) has bad hair-days most of the time. Look at the Lime mag cover! URGGGHH. The only time he looked good was at the SI finals. But it's different for mah Sly. He has undeniably the coolest, most attractive fringe in the whole of Singapore.

If I ever were to cut my hair again, I'll trim it like Sly's :) And then we'd be the funkiest couple in Singapore, in my dreams.

Love loads,
vicks
|

I think I write so much better when I'm desolate. Doesnt everyone? I derive greater pleasure from reading sad entries than happy ones too. I HATE entries peppered with "haha" or "yay!" or ":)", even though I'm very well guilty of that crime sometimes. Why the loathing? Well I might be a born sadist/pessimist/morbidon (look! i coined a word!). Happy entries jseem superficial and airy to me. Then again, it MUST be due to my severe handicap in coming up with positive vocab.

Sorrow is beautiful, because Happiness is unattainable. Yeah, you read that. I think Happiness isn't mine to keep. Both belong to extreme ends of the spectrum. Since I desire a fulfilling life, and only powerful, earth-moving emotions could grant me that, I turn to sorrow for comfort. It's long-living, unlike Happiness. It's SO familiar, almost like a thick blanket that smothers my heart. Whilst I do love Happiness, it's like the beauty of fireworks. You'd marvel at such wonderful creation of God, only to be left gasping for more, desperate even, when it dies off. When Happiness bids farewell, who else but Sorrow comes a-knocking?

I've always loved Wilde's tragic stories :) (Take a look here) They're sinfully depressing.

[Erm yes, I do cry each time I read "The Nightingale and the rose" and "The Happy Prince"]

vicks
|

I always had a thing for punks and rock. Privately, I harboured a crush on Blink182 and Mcfly. I thought Avril was kool :) and finally, I receded to the rebel in me....voila! this purty, purty layout thus appeared.

it's so much more captivating than all those "cutie-pie", "pinkish" skins out there, which Im sick of. and the reason for not choosing a personalised Sly layout would be that there's seriously none with nice pics out there. meaning, he looks kinda weird in all of them. heh. I still love him tho!!

Btw, I read what you wrote. You suck. Of all flaws, it's insensitivity that hurts me the most. You're guilty of that. You've sinned. Yeah, isn't it human to err? But, it's also humane to realise your terrible mistake. You don't have to apologise or succumb to guilt. I doubt you will anyway, cuz while Im trying to mend this hurt, you're acting like nothing's happened.

Well, good luck to our friendship.

love,
vicks



|

im hurt.


oh so very hurt.


what you did cut me so deep, you know that?


it's worse than 52 rejecting me (not that he ever did it), because I've known you for such a long time. More than half of my damned life. It's best that I leave this ambiguous, cause I still wanna be close to you. Im a sucker for friendship and affections. Im lonely.

And most of all, you were one of my besties. So what now huh? I know myself...I can be over-sensitive, but you've gone way overboard this time. I seriously dunno what to make of you now.

I think Im loathing my bestie. I should have reminded myself of what you really are, when we got a little closer not long ago. The things you did to me since young. Im wondering, if I should place a polite distance between us, and put a stopper to this friendship. So what if the relationship's ancient? I treasure memories, but not betrayers.

Im sorry for hating you.

vicks
|

10 Random Things About Me

1. I had chicken pox at age 17.
2. I used to be borderline OVERWEIGHT (around 9 yrs old i think)
3. Im terribly unfit, but i had "gold" for NAPFA once or twice.
4. I have 2 left feet, but i love to dance.
5. I hate rice and noodles.
6. English is and always will be, my fave subject.
7. My family's the most important people in my life.
8. I believe i read my way to severe myopia
9. As much as I hate to admit, I love tragic romantic stories.
10. Im NOT as fickle as you think. I only had 6 major crushes since age 13.*angelic smile*

9 Places That I've Been

1. USA.
2. Japan
3. Taiwan
4. HongKong
5. China
6. Australia
7. Malaysia
8. Thailand
9. Korea (erm, going soon!)

8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Fall madly, desperately, mindlessly in love.
2. Have a family
3. Travel around the world
4. Experience miracles
5. Witness sunset AND sunrise
6. To catch Sly's eye
7. Write a book
8. Be famous (in a good way!)

7 Ways To Win My Heart

1. Serenade me ( alert: a husky, sexy voice a la sly's is a must! and i'd say no outright to taufik. heh, no offence!)
2. Walking in the snow, getting frostbites together, but still holding my hand with the warmth i desire.
3. Say "I love you". Deep, intense gaze...and husky voice required.
4. Kidnap me to a place I love.
5. Laugh with me.
6. Hug me.
7. Be the sweetest thing, even when I hurt you unintentionally.

6 Things I Believe In

1. Love
2. Religion
3. Beauty
4. Creativity
5. Art (Theatre, Dance etc)
6. Music
7. (sorry, i HAD to add this!) PEACE!!!

5 Things I'm Afraid Of

1. Ghosts (The long-haired female in white)
2. Insects (Even butterflies!)
3. Perfection
4. Being humiliated
5. Never being loved by the one I love

4 Of My Favourite Items In My Bedroom

1. Laptop (all my music files!..including sly's!!)
2. Report Books (records of my blood and tears ya?)
3. Letters and Cards from friends
4. My clothes
5. (had to add one more!!) Photographs

3 Things I Do Everyday

1. Look into the mirror
2. Frown
3. Talk (Even if i had no one to talk to, i'd make fantastic conversations with meself)

2 Things I Am Trying NOT To Do Right Now

1. Think about homework (heh. struck a chord ya?)
2. Think about depressing thoughts and become into the Incredible Sulk you're all familiar with.

1 Person I Want To See Right Now

Need i say more?

SLY!

|

im happy as a lark!

take a look at my tag board. my dears, as much as you'd like to leave your mark here, please refrain from tagging :) i dont want this oh-so-very-precious tag to disappear from my bloggy forever. unless, well, hui, leave more of such tags ya? *winks* SLY!! (albeit a pseudo one) has tagged me!

I'm sore but there's a spring to my step and a song in my heart. Oh Sly you wicked boy you!

You make me feel like dancing
Wanna dance the night away
You make me feel like dancing
Wanna dance the night away
Dancing.
Woo! Dancing.

hohoho. thanks my darling hui! call me self-delusional, but it really helped in cheering me up.

now i cant wait for school to start, however much im enjoying this wonderful hols, and however much stressful next year will be..cuz i miss my dears!! there wont be no eligible hunks around next year, but im not complaining for once! heh. there's one that lives in my heart! *mushy eh?!*

so anyway, im bound for korea soon. that makes me the happiest i've been in months. i didnt knew leaving singapore, my homeland, where my heart belongs, could bring such undescribable joy. i think, this makes me all the more inclined to head for aussie land right after A's. :)

love lots
vicks






|

god, oh god..

can i just meet sly??

there's nothing that appeals to me more than him. no, not even 52, who's trailing by a mile. i wake up every morn' just to have him serenade me (albeit from my comp. pathetic, yes) with the oh-so-incredibly-sexy voice. i think i've lost my drive for anything else.

SLY.

how come so many people get to chance upon him, cosy up to him..while this very ardent fan here cant? i splurged tens of dollars on magazines with his cheeky grin on it, when i could very well use the money on my billabong bag. bahhh.

i dont wanna conform. im just following my heart, and laying victim to his charm in the very process. he's IRRESISTABLE, i tell ya. i used to think local guys can never make my mark. but well, who knew a guy like sly exists? my oh my.

chus, if u read this, let us find a cure together ya? i think im en route to self-destruction. haha.

[and psst...i wanna marry him so dearly too!]











**this entry has officially transformed me into a hot-blooded teenage girl not unlike the thousands out there who love sly. you know i hate being "average" or "normal". i cant help not liking sly!! it's his magic :) and yeah, i know i'll be terribly embarassed by this entry in time to come...but till then, LOVE IS LOVE. **
|

A compliment from FiFi:

(*_*) says:
i heard from oher girls tat girls always dont talk quite well one
(*_*) says:
is it?
que se languit d'armour burn, baby, burn! says:
actually, it's false!
que se languit d'armour burn, baby, burn! says:
haha
que se languit d'armour burn, baby, burn! says:
more things to talk lah
que se languit d'armour burn, baby, burn! says:
can criticise ppl..rave abt idols etc
que se languit d'armour burn, baby, burn! says:
(*_*) says:
oh u ar fifferent i think
(*_*) says:
u are always so cheerful one
que se languit d'armour burn, baby, burn! says:
omg! a compliment from u!!
que se languit d'armour burn, baby, burn! says:
this is hard to get man!
que se languit d'armour burn, baby, burn! says:
hahahaha
(*_*) says:
tru i seldom praise girls one

:) :) :)

i can trust him to make my day anytime man! yeah, i know i professed my hatred for him not long ago...in fact, im still rather pissed off with his antics and attitude. the thing is, one cannot help but find him endearing, no matter how much the anger harboured. hoho! that's his magic.

A compliment from Lulu:

ox= castrated bull says:
hihi
que se languit d'armour i love you for different reasons. says:
HEYYA!
que se languit d'armour i love you for different reasons. says:
:)

ox= castrated bull says:
haha always full of energy

Sometime its so difficult to fish compliments out of the guys i know. that's well, because most, or all of them, are the incredibly bashful and awkward-around-girls type. Sometimes, though, they unknowingly pepper our conversations with such sweet compliments, it makes me smile and reminisce about the nanhua days.

Anyway, I love you guys! :)

dysphoria came at 2:36 PM

|

A LONG time ago, before the world was createdand humans could set foot on it, virtues and vicesfloated around, not quite knowing what to do.One day, all of them were gathered together,and feeling more bored than ever.

Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: Lets play hide-and-seek!Everyone liked the idea and immediately,Madness shouted: I want to count, I want to count!Since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed.Madness leaned against a tree and started counting, one, two, threeAs Madness counted, the vices and virtues ran off to look for places in which to hide.Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon,while Treason hid in a pile of garbage.Fondness curled up between the cloudsand Passion went to the centre of the earth.Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake instead,whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking.

Madness continued to shout out: ... 79, 80, 81...?By then, all the vices and virtues were well hidden, except for Love.Fickle as Love is, he could not decide where to hide.Madness counted: ... 95, 96, 97Just when he got to 100, Love jumped into a rose bush.Madness turned around and shouted: Im coming, Im coming!Laziness was the first to be found, because he did not have the energy to hide.Then Madness spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake, and Passion at the centre of the earth.One by one, Madness found them all, except for Love.

He was getting desperate.Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness that Love was in the rose bush.Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the bush.He jabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop.Love appeared from the bush, with both hands covering his face.Blood oozed from his eyes and trickled down his fingers.Madness had stabbed out Loves eyes with his pitch fork.What have I done? What have I done? Madness screamed.I have blinded you! How can I repair the damage?Love answered: you cannot repair my eyes.But if you really want to do something for me, can you be my guide?

And so it came about that from that day on,Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.



Oh, such a clever, clever story!!

Love is mad.

S



L



Y


what does it spell? haha. the obesession wasnt this bad before, but hearing him 'live' makes it all different. Oh god. The songs he sang are on loop in my media player. You should see how his pictures has exceeded 52's in my folders too.

allow me to rave.

sly is cute isnt he? i dont admit he's good looking. but cute, yes! the boyish kinda cute, armed with the most enigmatic smile ever. *sigh* and THAT VOICE, THAT VOICE! husky, sexy and to-die-for.

:)

i know i havent been blogging lately. there's so many interesting stuff i would like to spew, but...complacency has caught up again.

if only there's a cure..

sigh.

and im gonna miss my dearie lan.

xo
vicks


|

about

Currently eighteen, and waiting for my angsty phase to run out. I'm a slave to books, to unfortunate circumstances like "exams" and "assignments". My expertise is my 100 decibel scream and barking laughter. I'm profoundly in love with NYC, and there isn't a second in which I don't wish for a life there.

This is not entertainment nor a place too seek for deep musings.This is the highly selective, highly biased, highly opinionated account of my life. I just write, as I feel. No, not think. Feel.

"Loss of Privacy" Index


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