feeling: aches
track spinning: "here without you" by 3 doors down
am tired. tired. tired.
talked to bobby today...he was really tired, as were all the boys in cheerleading. it was hard on em', having to carry the flyers relentlessly. training has reached a new high, considering that we learnt 2 new stunts and stayed back till 9pm! i was in the same "Star team" as jerry too! lol, i think he found out abt those prank sms-es, but thank god he didnt bring that up. paired up with guofeng (tt amazing lead dancer i saw at the dance concert), they make the best base ever! haha, with me, and shirleen, tt very pretty j2 flyer, we make the star team! =) jerry's damn good...damn stable. 9pm..that's the time i would have been dismissed if i went for astro. but i didnt. cheerleading was my obligation, hence i should at least show dedication towards it. anyway, i realised that the elects are leading damn stressful lives. most are heading towards a mental breakdown, with the stress, packed schedules, homework, tests and the what-nots. i'll try not to laugh at bobby from now on. i promise!!
well, bobby found out that we were laughing at him today. he even waved to nanthini! lol. i should be grateful he wasnt angry, eh? he's still as funny and as cute as ever...shall try to befriend him on mon!
you know, i wish there was angklung tmr. *sighs* it has become so fun that im anticipating practices! =) there's bobby and tt 'handsome'. lol. i dont mind staying back more often for it!! ohk, tmr is a saturday, a public holiday even, and i aint going out. i've been so anti-social and outta touch with orchard lately. i wonder why all my friends would rather rot at home than have a little shopping trip with me. bleahz..it's kinda depressing really.thank goodness i have a date on sunday with huan. shopping is my SOLE salvation from the hell school has become =)
he's face suddenly appeared in mah mind when im typing this.
All the miles that separate. Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
once again, there was the familiar skip of the heartbeat.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby. But you're still with me in my dreams
i shant care anymore. if it happens, it happens. i wont restrict my feelings and cause myself so much misery.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go. It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.. It gets hard but it won't take away my lovewishing for a better tmr,
vicks
track spinning: "here without you" by 3 doors down
am tired. tired. tired.
talked to bobby today...he was really tired, as were all the boys in cheerleading. it was hard on em', having to carry the flyers relentlessly. training has reached a new high, considering that we learnt 2 new stunts and stayed back till 9pm! i was in the same "Star team" as jerry too! lol, i think he found out abt those prank sms-es, but thank god he didnt bring that up. paired up with guofeng (tt amazing lead dancer i saw at the dance concert), they make the best base ever! haha, with me, and shirleen, tt very pretty j2 flyer, we make the star team! =) jerry's damn good...damn stable. 9pm..that's the time i would have been dismissed if i went for astro. but i didnt. cheerleading was my obligation, hence i should at least show dedication towards it. anyway, i realised that the elects are leading damn stressful lives. most are heading towards a mental breakdown, with the stress, packed schedules, homework, tests and the what-nots. i'll try not to laugh at bobby from now on. i promise!!
well, bobby found out that we were laughing at him today. he even waved to nanthini! lol. i should be grateful he wasnt angry, eh? he's still as funny and as cute as ever...shall try to befriend him on mon!
you know, i wish there was angklung tmr. *sighs* it has become so fun that im anticipating practices! =) there's bobby and tt 'handsome'. lol. i dont mind staying back more often for it!! ohk, tmr is a saturday, a public holiday even, and i aint going out. i've been so anti-social and outta touch with orchard lately. i wonder why all my friends would rather rot at home than have a little shopping trip with me. bleahz..it's kinda depressing really.thank goodness i have a date on sunday with huan. shopping is my SOLE salvation from the hell school has become =)
he's face suddenly appeared in mah mind when im typing this.
All the miles that separate. Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
once again, there was the familiar skip of the heartbeat.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby. But you're still with me in my dreams
i shant care anymore. if it happens, it happens. i wont restrict my feelings and cause myself so much misery.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go. It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.. It gets hard but it won't take away my lovewishing for a better tmr,
vicks
dysphoria came at 11:53 PM
|
feeling: tired!
track spinning: "stay the same" by joey mcintyre
it's been another long day. was dismissed at 12.20pm and actually arrived home at a very appropriate time of 8pm. it was pouring so heavily that now im wondering how am i gonna wear my soggy shoes tomorrow. i cant help but feel that being drenched is a punishment for going home late? that's one of my weird theories for you.
it's playing THE SONG now. im like, damn nostalgic, cuz of all the memories that flood back. yep, they all revolve around zhihui. he's the past long gone, but those were wonderful times we spent then. two years back, when he was a year my senior, he was the nco in-charge for my ORD group. we were doing this song-and-slow dance segment, and i was so full of admiration of him. he's a great leader, erm, rather capable for choreographing our somewhat "wooden" dance steps and he sang too! blame it on the young and impressionable mind, but this admiration turned to a silly crush. lol. i remember how it became a full-blown affair too. all the embarassment! ohk, it's a very moving song. i still love it to bits now! =)
wasted 5 stupid hours in school just to take the very annoying uniform measurements. it better be nice and WORTH IT! or i'll wreck havoc in nj! *evil laughter* missed the soccer match intentionally. it goes further to show that i can resist the once irresistable temptation! he doesnt have such a great impact on my life now! YAY! im embarking on this arduous road to sucess..so pray for me yar? i can practically smell the end of it now. =)
am really dying of exhaustion. i have SUFFICIENT sleep, but i still have trouble keeping my eyes peeled in class. am always trying to cover-up my 'glued-shut' eyelids. is it stress at work? or am i lacking in vitality? damn! dont tell me it's anemia again! *sigh* i think it prolly is.
bleahz...shall go sleep more now. hafta stay abck till 9pm tmr. talk about working like a bumble bee. my whole week's like that!
love,
vicks
track spinning: "stay the same" by joey mcintyre
it's been another long day. was dismissed at 12.20pm and actually arrived home at a very appropriate time of 8pm. it was pouring so heavily that now im wondering how am i gonna wear my soggy shoes tomorrow. i cant help but feel that being drenched is a punishment for going home late? that's one of my weird theories for you.
it's playing THE SONG now. im like, damn nostalgic, cuz of all the memories that flood back. yep, they all revolve around zhihui. he's the past long gone, but those were wonderful times we spent then. two years back, when he was a year my senior, he was the nco in-charge for my ORD group. we were doing this song-and-slow dance segment, and i was so full of admiration of him. he's a great leader, erm, rather capable for choreographing our somewhat "wooden" dance steps and he sang too! blame it on the young and impressionable mind, but this admiration turned to a silly crush. lol. i remember how it became a full-blown affair too. all the embarassment! ohk, it's a very moving song. i still love it to bits now! =)
wasted 5 stupid hours in school just to take the very annoying uniform measurements. it better be nice and WORTH IT! or i'll wreck havoc in nj! *evil laughter* missed the soccer match intentionally. it goes further to show that i can resist the once irresistable temptation! he doesnt have such a great impact on my life now! YAY! im embarking on this arduous road to sucess..so pray for me yar? i can practically smell the end of it now. =)
am really dying of exhaustion. i have SUFFICIENT sleep, but i still have trouble keeping my eyes peeled in class. am always trying to cover-up my 'glued-shut' eyelids. is it stress at work? or am i lacking in vitality? damn! dont tell me it's anemia again! *sigh* i think it prolly is.
bleahz...shall go sleep more now. hafta stay abck till 9pm tmr. talk about working like a bumble bee. my whole week's like that!
love,
vicks
dysphoria came at 10:14 PM
|
feeling: the tiniest trace of joy
track spinning: "dont tell me" by avril lavigne
bloggy!
im alright. back to the life-loving, cheerful moi! hmm, it's been hard on me these days, but i think i just MIGHT survive.
first, napfa is FINALLY over. it's part of my history now, never to be relived, until next year. but that's a long, long time away. i got bronze. lol. i have to thank my old friend, the SBJ for stealing my gold. argh. i should be glad that at least i passed, when i failed so terribly last year. =) am grateful to my very supportive class for all that encouragement and hugs. im just simply fortunate to have so many nice people around me. ohk, i WILL make it a point to train everyday ( if i can) to morph into this super-athlete. and erm, dont go skeptical on me, for it's really possible! im envisioning a better me!
oh, i got myself into DEEP trouble for sport's day. i actually signed up for cheerleading, thinking that i'll surely be ousted during the first round of auditions, so that i can slack. well life is ALWAYS cruel to me. who would expect that i got in? it really really was horrible! i was initially up for back-base and flyer. back base was great, cause it really doesnt require much of you. in the other hand, flying was damn traumatic. i had to climb onto this j2 cheerleader, i was screaming my head off. lol. he was shaking so much...prob because of my screaming and my trembling too. imagine the humiliation i suffered! was trying to stand up on his shoulders when i couldnt bear it anymore, and fell. thank goodness julito caught me! hmm, i think i shall vote for him for SC, cuz he saved my life! haha. cheerleading practices are getting better by the day. at least now, they wont ask me to be a flyer anymore. im just a backbase and dancer. =) of course, im very envious of those flyers...esp KM, for she's damn pretty..and it's really glam to be a flyer. i just dont have the guts. sigh. i guess people will have to understand that i havent got any cheerleading nor dance background in me...yep. btw, jerr y and bobby are in cheerleading. that was like the greatest news i received in weeks! tum-di-dum. i can have fun, and entertainment at the same time. *triple yay!*
i failed my first test in nj too. chem. bleahz...10.5/30. it's DAMN MEDIOCRE, when xiuhui got 24.5. it's more than twice my score, and i felt more than a million times the pressure. i hope working harder helps, for im really at my wits' end.
angklung was fun, fun and fun today! been laughing every second lately, and the angklung session was no exception. havent attended 2 consecutive sessions, but it was quite ohk catching up. xiuhui and i made uncountable mistakes, and it doesnt help that only the two of us were playing 'high f' too! hmm, i wonder if we've left a bad impression. at least we tried, and it was our first time playing such tough pieces...they should be more understanding huh? oh well..was suffering from a giggling fit, and it affected nan and xiu. haha. was laughing even as i was shaking the angklung. it was quite embarassing actually, cuz this senior (tt one who was very nice to us during our first practice) kept looking at us, and was smiling to himself too. up till now, i cant figure out what was that all about. haha. maybe we were too amusing to him. =)
jerry lost the table-tennis match. didnt go and support the team, ah, maybe i should have...then they would have won?? lol. that's crap. it's damn disappointing, considering that they have such a star player on the team. must have been hard on jerry...lol. sent him another really funny "cheer up" sms. oh ya, he's attached!!! that's like surprise of the century. it makes my blood boil as to why i havent found "the one" too. *sigh* destiny's doings i guess.
ohk, gtg now. he's insignificant lately, which makes me all the more happy! =) quite an exciting day tmr, with the soccer match, and cheerleading uniforms try-outs.
love lots,
vicks
track spinning: "dont tell me" by avril lavigne
bloggy!
im alright. back to the life-loving, cheerful moi! hmm, it's been hard on me these days, but i think i just MIGHT survive.
first, napfa is FINALLY over. it's part of my history now, never to be relived, until next year. but that's a long, long time away. i got bronze. lol. i have to thank my old friend, the SBJ for stealing my gold. argh. i should be glad that at least i passed, when i failed so terribly last year. =) am grateful to my very supportive class for all that encouragement and hugs. im just simply fortunate to have so many nice people around me. ohk, i WILL make it a point to train everyday ( if i can) to morph into this super-athlete. and erm, dont go skeptical on me, for it's really possible! im envisioning a better me!
oh, i got myself into DEEP trouble for sport's day. i actually signed up for cheerleading, thinking that i'll surely be ousted during the first round of auditions, so that i can slack. well life is ALWAYS cruel to me. who would expect that i got in? it really really was horrible! i was initially up for back-base and flyer. back base was great, cause it really doesnt require much of you. in the other hand, flying was damn traumatic. i had to climb onto this j2 cheerleader, i was screaming my head off. lol. he was shaking so much...prob because of my screaming and my trembling too. imagine the humiliation i suffered! was trying to stand up on his shoulders when i couldnt bear it anymore, and fell. thank goodness julito caught me! hmm, i think i shall vote for him for SC, cuz he saved my life! haha. cheerleading practices are getting better by the day. at least now, they wont ask me to be a flyer anymore. im just a backbase and dancer. =) of course, im very envious of those flyers...esp KM, for she's damn pretty..and it's really glam to be a flyer. i just dont have the guts. sigh. i guess people will have to understand that i havent got any cheerleading nor dance background in me...yep. btw, jerr y and bobby are in cheerleading. that was like the greatest news i received in weeks! tum-di-dum. i can have fun, and entertainment at the same time. *triple yay!*
i failed my first test in nj too. chem. bleahz...10.5/30. it's DAMN MEDIOCRE, when xiuhui got 24.5. it's more than twice my score, and i felt more than a million times the pressure. i hope working harder helps, for im really at my wits' end.
angklung was fun, fun and fun today! been laughing every second lately, and the angklung session was no exception. havent attended 2 consecutive sessions, but it was quite ohk catching up. xiuhui and i made uncountable mistakes, and it doesnt help that only the two of us were playing 'high f' too! hmm, i wonder if we've left a bad impression. at least we tried, and it was our first time playing such tough pieces...they should be more understanding huh? oh well..was suffering from a giggling fit, and it affected nan and xiu. haha. was laughing even as i was shaking the angklung. it was quite embarassing actually, cuz this senior (tt one who was very nice to us during our first practice) kept looking at us, and was smiling to himself too. up till now, i cant figure out what was that all about. haha. maybe we were too amusing to him. =)
jerry lost the table-tennis match. didnt go and support the team, ah, maybe i should have...then they would have won?? lol. that's crap. it's damn disappointing, considering that they have such a star player on the team. must have been hard on jerry...lol. sent him another really funny "cheer up" sms. oh ya, he's attached!!! that's like surprise of the century. it makes my blood boil as to why i havent found "the one" too. *sigh* destiny's doings i guess.
ohk, gtg now. he's insignificant lately, which makes me all the more happy! =) quite an exciting day tmr, with the soccer match, and cheerleading uniforms try-outs.
love lots,
vicks
dysphoria came at 9:55 PM
|
i feel like death has come to claim me. maybe i should really go end this sad, pathetic little life rather than moan and whine about it...
damn everything.
vicks
damn everything.
vicks
dysphoria came at 10:40 PM
|
feeling : worn out
track spinning: "someone like me" by atomic kitten
heya!
feeling much better now! *grins widely* my limbs just scream "tired", but there's so many stuffs left undone. im alive, alert and long to be kicking! =)
today wasnt such a bad day. i've tried not to laugh at jerry. well, that's only because i didnt see him at all. lol. i think bobby has long surpassed him as my new source of entertainment. bobby, bobby,bobby. even his name sounds SO cute! im getting so cranky that i have 3, no, 4 (!) versions of his Student council campagining photo on my phone! lalala..he makes me happy, so why not preserve the happiness? yep, maybe i'll be happier if i wasnt that mean.
i stayed back today, despite being dismissed at 12.20pm. dang. i guess the reason's obvious. i've been trying to avoid broaching on this subject, but alas! it's hard not too. i wanted to catch ze soccer match. who knows, leekwang told me nj wasnt playing today. ah, sweet of LK to inform me, or i would have cried in disappointment! i still saw him anyway. he makes me feel ugly u know that? this isnt a good sign. im FAR from being over him. *sigh* how did fun-talk become such a serious crush? *note to self: NEVER joke about affairs of the heart next time!* hanni calls him 'carpet head'. hmm, it's damn hilarious. i found myself defending him, explaining that he has natural curls and hence hafta keep that endearing (that's perceptive maybe) hairstyle. so you see my dear bloggy, i wasted 4 hours stoning in school just to...ah, feel ze presence.
no no no....this shant continue. mayb i should avoid this subject again...only to break down when i can bear it no longer? sigh. incoherence is evident now eh? well forgive me but im really too exhausted.
chatted till midnight with dear chin hian yest. i really really miss him a lot. as well as hest..and the rest of em. there was something he said that made me cry (yes, have been crying a hell lot lately). " sometimes i think i hear your laughter in CJ, but i know it cannot be you". it's very very sweet. he's such a good friend, and god has to go deprive me of that. you know, he actually saw me on the bus that day, but as fate will have it, there was too many people for him to call out to me. i WILL be more alert next time. chin hian. ah, at least he's doing ohk in his school, i should be happy eh? but no! i want them back with us! i want 04s27 the way it was! i want mervyn to be nice and friendly towards us again! yet, are these possible? nah...what's gone is gone.
should i keep ranting, i'll break down again. shall spare myself another torture.
tmr's another day aint it? =)
me:
Of unusual beauty
does not want to impress
well-developed sense of justice
vivacious
interested
a born diplomat
but irritate and sensitive in company
often due to a lack of self-confidence
acts sometimes superior
feels not understood loves only once
has difficulties in finding a partner.
and here's 'him':
Extraordinary taste
dignity
cultivated airs
loves anything beautiful
moody
stubborn
tends to egoism but cares for those close to it
rather modest
very ambitious
talented
industrious uncontent lover
many friends
many foes
very reliable.
there. whatever i do, i cant take my mind off him. even personality tests have to be done with him in mind. this is horrible, but how can i help it? hmm, "uncontent lover" and "loves anything beautiful" sounds very true of him. worrying, indeed, but why should i care????? NO NO NO. he can go and rot for he wants *nods firmly* *shakes head* *contradiction starts to plague her* DAMMIT! someone convince me that i can forget this nightmare please!
vicks
track spinning: "someone like me" by atomic kitten
heya!
feeling much better now! *grins widely* my limbs just scream "tired", but there's so many stuffs left undone. im alive, alert and long to be kicking! =)
today wasnt such a bad day. i've tried not to laugh at jerry. well, that's only because i didnt see him at all. lol. i think bobby has long surpassed him as my new source of entertainment. bobby, bobby,bobby. even his name sounds SO cute! im getting so cranky that i have 3, no, 4 (!) versions of his Student council campagining photo on my phone! lalala..he makes me happy, so why not preserve the happiness? yep, maybe i'll be happier if i wasnt that mean.
i stayed back today, despite being dismissed at 12.20pm. dang. i guess the reason's obvious. i've been trying to avoid broaching on this subject, but alas! it's hard not too. i wanted to catch ze soccer match. who knows, leekwang told me nj wasnt playing today. ah, sweet of LK to inform me, or i would have cried in disappointment! i still saw him anyway. he makes me feel ugly u know that? this isnt a good sign. im FAR from being over him. *sigh* how did fun-talk become such a serious crush? *note to self: NEVER joke about affairs of the heart next time!* hanni calls him 'carpet head'. hmm, it's damn hilarious. i found myself defending him, explaining that he has natural curls and hence hafta keep that endearing (that's perceptive maybe) hairstyle. so you see my dear bloggy, i wasted 4 hours stoning in school just to...ah, feel ze presence.
no no no....this shant continue. mayb i should avoid this subject again...only to break down when i can bear it no longer? sigh. incoherence is evident now eh? well forgive me but im really too exhausted.
chatted till midnight with dear chin hian yest. i really really miss him a lot. as well as hest..and the rest of em. there was something he said that made me cry (yes, have been crying a hell lot lately). " sometimes i think i hear your laughter in CJ, but i know it cannot be you". it's very very sweet. he's such a good friend, and god has to go deprive me of that. you know, he actually saw me on the bus that day, but as fate will have it, there was too many people for him to call out to me. i WILL be more alert next time. chin hian. ah, at least he's doing ohk in his school, i should be happy eh? but no! i want them back with us! i want 04s27 the way it was! i want mervyn to be nice and friendly towards us again! yet, are these possible? nah...what's gone is gone.
should i keep ranting, i'll break down again. shall spare myself another torture.
tmr's another day aint it? =)
me:
Of unusual beauty
does not want to impress
well-developed sense of justice
vivacious
interested
a born diplomat
but irritate and sensitive in company
often due to a lack of self-confidence
acts sometimes superior
feels not understood loves only once
has difficulties in finding a partner.
and here's 'him':
Extraordinary taste
dignity
cultivated airs
loves anything beautiful
moody
stubborn
tends to egoism but cares for those close to it
rather modest
very ambitious
talented
industrious uncontent lover
many friends
many foes
very reliable.
there. whatever i do, i cant take my mind off him. even personality tests have to be done with him in mind. this is horrible, but how can i help it? hmm, "uncontent lover" and "loves anything beautiful" sounds very true of him. worrying, indeed, but why should i care????? NO NO NO. he can go and rot for he wants *nods firmly* *shakes head* *contradiction starts to plague her* DAMMIT! someone convince me that i can forget this nightmare please!
vicks
dysphoria came at 7:36 PM
|
feeling: suicidal (yet again)
track spinning: "try" by nelly furtado
dearie.
you dont know how depressed i am now. what's worse is that i cant pin-point anything to blame for it. there's simply no valid reason at all. -big sigh- i guess it's my retribution for laughing at so many people and being mean. yes, im living proof that retribution exists. ohk, i really must change "into" a new leaf now (to quote davidson). hmm, been laughing so much till i cried lately. maybe laughing is really how i express my sorrow? damn.
napfa's on sat. am i dead? that, and much more! i dread sat. i dread sat. i dread sat. god, please let me get a silver!!
i slept right after dinner yesterday. this is the second time in this week. and still, i cant barely keep my eyes open during lessons. oh god. i really think this is worse than death. im a living corpse. exhaustion and depression is the worst combination ever.
shall go bury myself in bed now...
vicks
track spinning: "try" by nelly furtado
dearie.
you dont know how depressed i am now. what's worse is that i cant pin-point anything to blame for it. there's simply no valid reason at all. -big sigh- i guess it's my retribution for laughing at so many people and being mean. yes, im living proof that retribution exists. ohk, i really must change "into" a new leaf now (to quote davidson). hmm, been laughing so much till i cried lately. maybe laughing is really how i express my sorrow? damn.
napfa's on sat. am i dead? that, and much more! i dread sat. i dread sat. i dread sat. god, please let me get a silver!!
i slept right after dinner yesterday. this is the second time in this week. and still, i cant barely keep my eyes open during lessons. oh god. i really think this is worse than death. im a living corpse. exhaustion and depression is the worst combination ever.
shall go bury myself in bed now...
vicks
dysphoria came at 5:00 PM
|
feeling: damn scared
track spinning: "california" ( the OC sound track)
ze very traumatising tests are over..but im still suffering from ze side effects! argh..im so so afraid. failure is unvoidable, cuz it's really the first time i DIDNT COMPLETE A TEST! two tests i mean...chem and econs. *big sigh* shall pray feverishly to the being above every night. only a miracle can salvage my pathetic situation. shant talk abt it anymore lah...it's the weekend, sth i've looked forward to all week!!
ohk, i have the free "passion of the christ" tickets. i know im still under-aged, but who cares man. long skirt and make-up. that's all i need to pass ze test. ha! that's one of ze many many benefits of being a girl. i have a prob tho. no one seems to be free tmr to go out with me! that means i need a date! wow, a first time for me. lol. sigh, nvm, i shall ask more people. there will eventually be some one out there!
wasted the whole of today away. there's angklung in the morning. hey, it's really really enjoyable. hmm, it's mainly bcuz of the great company i guess. even mr cat high seems more friendly than ever. he's attitude still sucks deep under, i know. i realised " you are my sunshine" isnt that much of a cheery song after all. it's so, so melancholic. sigh. i almost cried while playing the song. go take a look at the lyrics. we all tend to remember only the chorus (the most cheerful part), but forget the intro. laughed a lot at B too. wahahaha, he has a sad face..and his angklung seems to be getting bigger! aww, it's not much fun laughing at him if that is so. there's IP preview next sat- my first ever angklung performance. lalala...a great cca for slackers! angklung rocks! slept a lot when i came home, to make up for my lost of sleep the entire week. ah, i must seriously cut down my time spent online.
hafta go mug now, if i wanna go out tmr. bye dearie!
"you are my sunshine"
The other night dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you
In my arms
When I awoke dear
I was mistaken
and I hung my head and cried
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
I'll always love you
and make you happy
If you will only
Stay the same
but if you leave me
To love another
You'll regret it all someday
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
You told me once dear
You really loved me
and no one else could come between
but now you've left me and Iove another
You have shattered all of my dreams
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
xoxo,
vicks
track spinning: "california" ( the OC sound track)
ze very traumatising tests are over..but im still suffering from ze side effects! argh..im so so afraid. failure is unvoidable, cuz it's really the first time i DIDNT COMPLETE A TEST! two tests i mean...chem and econs. *big sigh* shall pray feverishly to the being above every night. only a miracle can salvage my pathetic situation. shant talk abt it anymore lah...it's the weekend, sth i've looked forward to all week!!
ohk, i have the free "passion of the christ" tickets. i know im still under-aged, but who cares man. long skirt and make-up. that's all i need to pass ze test. ha! that's one of ze many many benefits of being a girl. i have a prob tho. no one seems to be free tmr to go out with me! that means i need a date! wow, a first time for me. lol. sigh, nvm, i shall ask more people. there will eventually be some one out there!
wasted the whole of today away. there's angklung in the morning. hey, it's really really enjoyable. hmm, it's mainly bcuz of the great company i guess. even mr cat high seems more friendly than ever. he's attitude still sucks deep under, i know. i realised " you are my sunshine" isnt that much of a cheery song after all. it's so, so melancholic. sigh. i almost cried while playing the song. go take a look at the lyrics. we all tend to remember only the chorus (the most cheerful part), but forget the intro. laughed a lot at B too. wahahaha, he has a sad face..and his angklung seems to be getting bigger! aww, it's not much fun laughing at him if that is so. there's IP preview next sat- my first ever angklung performance. lalala...a great cca for slackers! angklung rocks! slept a lot when i came home, to make up for my lost of sleep the entire week. ah, i must seriously cut down my time spent online.
hafta go mug now, if i wanna go out tmr. bye dearie!
"you are my sunshine"
The other night dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you
In my arms
When I awoke dear
I was mistaken
and I hung my head and cried
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
I'll always love you
and make you happy
If you will only
Stay the same
but if you leave me
To love another
You'll regret it all someday
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
You told me once dear
You really loved me
and no one else could come between
but now you've left me and Iove another
You have shattered all of my dreams
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
xoxo,
vicks
dysphoria came at 9:11 PM
|
feeling: mentally alert, physically drained
track spinning: "im real" by j lo.
(i kinda sympathise with j lo really. somehow i think that deep down, she's just a romantic, idealistic girl...naive and impulsive enough to jump into marriages. i dont know how she feels about the break-ups, but i'll become seriously suicidal if i was hurt so many times.)
dearie,
im disapointed with meself.
actually, i kinda expected this ending, but i HAD to try. i had to try to break away from the pain and find my own happiness. I DID TRY. yup. in the end, i failed miserably...
in the morning, we had assembly in the hall. he walked past me while i was chatting with chus and the whole grp were smiling and going " go vic! go nearer!" finally, i had no choice but to do so, cuz he was so near to my class. damn the sch for having assembly in the hall. ppl get squeezed together and physical proximity decreases by a hell lot. the thing is, he looked over. xiu said tt, hanni said tt, nan said tt. i didnt know what to do with myself when he looked over, cuz it seemed to last for a long while. hence, i concluded that it's damn evident that i know he's looking. despite the "good actress" i profess myself to be (lol!), i cant help but think that my un-natural-ness showed. so, round 2 : tied. the worst happened when i could actually feel myself blushing. sigh. this warm, happy feeling that spreads form your heart to your whole body, and your face seems to burn as a result? im dead. he knows, i know he knows abt it, and he knows i know he knows abt it (this is a new revelation tt happened as a result).
ohk dear, i will continue to try. i MUST. pain will only ensue if i indulge in my feelings....pain liberates. it's addictive, but i'd rather be happy.
it's 7 plus and i havent started on hw! omg. and do you know what time i was dismissed today? 12.20!!! and i actually slept till now. sigh. tests and hw. i've long resigned to my pathetic fate i guess. stupid stupid tests! i think i shall try to stop being so mean to jerry...laughing at him, sending him prank sms-es and all tt. come to think of it, i'll be hurt if someone does what i do to him. i dont want to suffer a retribution too. lol. yest, i actually disliked ah peng for a while..after hearing what eileen said abt him, and how he skipped angklung (he told us he would join!) to train for cheerleading. but he's still nice lah, very friendly. i cant be so easily swayed. silly ah peng was nice enough to give me jerry's no., i should be eternally grateful to him for providing me with so much laughter. =)
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journalism, acting, advertising, the arts...wow, they're practically all my interests in life. this test is really great! shall seriously consider these career prospects. now if only they have a "what does your heart say" test. i need to sort out my feelings. big time.
by tmr, everything will be fine. the tests will be gone, and i'll be happy again =) weekend is impending too! yipee! i wanna go shopping already.
love, vicks
track spinning: "im real" by j lo.
(i kinda sympathise with j lo really. somehow i think that deep down, she's just a romantic, idealistic girl...naive and impulsive enough to jump into marriages. i dont know how she feels about the break-ups, but i'll become seriously suicidal if i was hurt so many times.)
dearie,
im disapointed with meself.
actually, i kinda expected this ending, but i HAD to try. i had to try to break away from the pain and find my own happiness. I DID TRY. yup. in the end, i failed miserably...
in the morning, we had assembly in the hall. he walked past me while i was chatting with chus and the whole grp were smiling and going " go vic! go nearer!" finally, i had no choice but to do so, cuz he was so near to my class. damn the sch for having assembly in the hall. ppl get squeezed together and physical proximity decreases by a hell lot. the thing is, he looked over. xiu said tt, hanni said tt, nan said tt. i didnt know what to do with myself when he looked over, cuz it seemed to last for a long while. hence, i concluded that it's damn evident that i know he's looking. despite the "good actress" i profess myself to be (lol!), i cant help but think that my un-natural-ness showed. so, round 2 : tied. the worst happened when i could actually feel myself blushing. sigh. this warm, happy feeling that spreads form your heart to your whole body, and your face seems to burn as a result? im dead. he knows, i know he knows abt it, and he knows i know he knows abt it (this is a new revelation tt happened as a result).
ohk dear, i will continue to try. i MUST. pain will only ensue if i indulge in my feelings....pain liberates. it's addictive, but i'd rather be happy.
it's 7 plus and i havent started on hw! omg. and do you know what time i was dismissed today? 12.20!!! and i actually slept till now. sigh. tests and hw. i've long resigned to my pathetic fate i guess. stupid stupid tests! i think i shall try to stop being so mean to jerry...laughing at him, sending him prank sms-es and all tt. come to think of it, i'll be hurt if someone does what i do to him. i dont want to suffer a retribution too. lol. yest, i actually disliked ah peng for a while..after hearing what eileen said abt him, and how he skipped angklung (he told us he would join!) to train for cheerleading. but he's still nice lah, very friendly. i cant be so easily swayed. silly ah peng was nice enough to give me jerry's no., i should be eternally grateful to him for providing me with so much laughter. =)
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
journalism, acting, advertising, the arts...wow, they're practically all my interests in life. this test is really great! shall seriously consider these career prospects. now if only they have a "what does your heart say" test. i need to sort out my feelings. big time.
by tmr, everything will be fine. the tests will be gone, and i'll be happy again =) weekend is impending too! yipee! i wanna go shopping already.
love, vicks
dysphoria came at 7:12 PM
|
feeling: plain exhausted
track spinning: "naughty girl" by beyonce
today's day3. and round 1 goes to.......me! =) i've decided to start this really stupid game, to decide who looks at the other more. whoa, poor vic is going outta her mind. she's getting lamer than ever, eh? nah, this is the reverse effect of a crush. pure irony, if you ask me. so on to this game...to win it, you hafta catch the person looking at you, tho it may be just a tiny glance. ohk, only saw him during morning assembly. he was at the front as usual, and as i was walking down the steps, talking to chus, i saw him...before he saw me looking. fortch for me, i turned my head away just in time to see him look at me. tra-la-la. i was actually able to continue the conversation with chus after that. no skip of a heartbeat, excitement..he's like a nobody. im getting better by the day, dear..im healing fast =) ohk, so this game shall last as long as i like. LOL. that would be never-ending..well, lets just play it till im totally over him. this silly, immature 1-player hare-brained game of mine.
anyway, had a nice time selling the popiahs for terra. we sold ALL of it...man, it was on high demand, but too bad we had limited supply. it was my first time washing lettuce, and it was damn embarassing. xiu and i were standing at the public sink washing the leaves. i was so reluctant at first, but it improved with time ( i meant my attitude). hmm, thank god he wasnt there to see the "auntie" side of me. oh sheesh, why am i concerned about the inconsequential him? no no no. spent so much on food today. food fairs are bound to cause my downfall from slim-hood. anyway, mr cat high really sucks. he does has his redeeming qualities...that is, his looks and his way with girls (but i certainly aint one of em). he orders people without lifting a finger to help. unchivalrous, selfish and lazy too. bleahz...it's hard to avoid such a person when im in the same house and cca as him.
laughed at jerry as usual. hmm, it's not only me who laughs a lot nowadays, i think i've influenced my whole clique. lol. it's so relaxing and comfortable to have friends whom like you for who you are and understand how you feel. im really fortunate =) KM is very helpful and friendly too. was standing beside her during angklung session. she has the looks and character, but too bad she seems to be on close terms with mr cat high (they're always together). oh, i even have a source of entertainment in angklung! lol. shant mention his name, outta due respect. i love my cca..it's fun! the really nice senior didnt come today. oh nvm, even if he did, it wont be certain that he could shower his attention on me again. lol. im so damn spoilt. =)
tell ya sth funny...
fifi asked me what was angklung about today. i looked at him in the eye, and replied " you just put the instrument on your head and shake for all you're worth". lol. it was so hard to contain my laughter...i was tearing like crazy, but he actually believed me! wow. how gullible can a 19 yr old get??? he even asked, " then dont you find it very weird? with the thing on your head?". haha. he's so endearing isnt he? =p i guess i really have the good fortune of befriending all the blur (but really quite nice) guys in singapore. it's not a bad thing really.
ohk, shall go mug again. sigh. i think there's a soccer match tmr. hope there is.
WAIT!!!
WHY ON EARTH AM I HOPING TO CATCH ZE SOCCER MATCH???? oh no no no. i cant let my efforts go down the drain...but, but...im really dying to watch one! they say nj's home soccer matches have really great atmosphere. i wanna experience that, and scream and cheer like the mad woman i once was! hope i'll get someone to watch it with me (if there is one lah). alright, hafta confess, i wanna watch him play. but, i know i wont get THAT worked up. perhaps it's because the habit of yearning to see him is too hard to shake off. yea, so..im over him! hope so! =)
till tmr!
love,
vicks
track spinning: "naughty girl" by beyonce
today's day3. and round 1 goes to.......me! =) i've decided to start this really stupid game, to decide who looks at the other more. whoa, poor vic is going outta her mind. she's getting lamer than ever, eh? nah, this is the reverse effect of a crush. pure irony, if you ask me. so on to this game...to win it, you hafta catch the person looking at you, tho it may be just a tiny glance. ohk, only saw him during morning assembly. he was at the front as usual, and as i was walking down the steps, talking to chus, i saw him...before he saw me looking. fortch for me, i turned my head away just in time to see him look at me. tra-la-la. i was actually able to continue the conversation with chus after that. no skip of a heartbeat, excitement..he's like a nobody. im getting better by the day, dear..im healing fast =) ohk, so this game shall last as long as i like. LOL. that would be never-ending..well, lets just play it till im totally over him. this silly, immature 1-player hare-brained game of mine.
anyway, had a nice time selling the popiahs for terra. we sold ALL of it...man, it was on high demand, but too bad we had limited supply. it was my first time washing lettuce, and it was damn embarassing. xiu and i were standing at the public sink washing the leaves. i was so reluctant at first, but it improved with time ( i meant my attitude). hmm, thank god he wasnt there to see the "auntie" side of me. oh sheesh, why am i concerned about the inconsequential him? no no no. spent so much on food today. food fairs are bound to cause my downfall from slim-hood. anyway, mr cat high really sucks. he does has his redeeming qualities...that is, his looks and his way with girls (but i certainly aint one of em). he orders people without lifting a finger to help. unchivalrous, selfish and lazy too. bleahz...it's hard to avoid such a person when im in the same house and cca as him.
laughed at jerry as usual. hmm, it's not only me who laughs a lot nowadays, i think i've influenced my whole clique. lol. it's so relaxing and comfortable to have friends whom like you for who you are and understand how you feel. im really fortunate =) KM is very helpful and friendly too. was standing beside her during angklung session. she has the looks and character, but too bad she seems to be on close terms with mr cat high (they're always together). oh, i even have a source of entertainment in angklung! lol. shant mention his name, outta due respect. i love my cca..it's fun! the really nice senior didnt come today. oh nvm, even if he did, it wont be certain that he could shower his attention on me again. lol. im so damn spoilt. =)
tell ya sth funny...
fifi asked me what was angklung about today. i looked at him in the eye, and replied " you just put the instrument on your head and shake for all you're worth". lol. it was so hard to contain my laughter...i was tearing like crazy, but he actually believed me! wow. how gullible can a 19 yr old get??? he even asked, " then dont you find it very weird? with the thing on your head?". haha. he's so endearing isnt he? =p i guess i really have the good fortune of befriending all the blur (but really quite nice) guys in singapore. it's not a bad thing really.
ohk, shall go mug again. sigh. i think there's a soccer match tmr. hope there is.
WAIT!!!
WHY ON EARTH AM I HOPING TO CATCH ZE SOCCER MATCH???? oh no no no. i cant let my efforts go down the drain...but, but...im really dying to watch one! they say nj's home soccer matches have really great atmosphere. i wanna experience that, and scream and cheer like the mad woman i once was! hope i'll get someone to watch it with me (if there is one lah). alright, hafta confess, i wanna watch him play. but, i know i wont get THAT worked up. perhaps it's because the habit of yearning to see him is too hard to shake off. yea, so..im over him! hope so! =)
till tmr!
love,
vicks
dysphoria came at 8:34 PM
|
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
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Your Unconscious-Overall type is 1w2 |
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so im shallow. scientifically proven. eeks...do you really think so? sigh. but yea, i'd love being a journalist, just tt i lack the independence the field requires and values.
dysphoria came at 1:36 AM
|
oh. i must add that chem pracs are DETRIMENTAL to my complexion, for unknown reasons. it's so terrible. im born a klutz, hence practicals with me are always filled with spillages, screams, near-breakages, and many small accidents. AH! take today for example, i forgot to add the indicator during titration, spilled ze solutions for an infinite no. of times, nearly broke beakers (tt's very natural for me)...now, now..how can i pass SPA with such clumsy actions? the examiner's bound to have a fun time observing me. well good luck to him.
dysphoria came at 12:40 AM
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feeling: deeply humiliated
track spinning: "not in love" by enrique iglesias
my dear fifi,
and so it's day2. im gonna hate every tuesday for real. it's funny how i used to anticpate it, but hate it so much now. in case you're wondering why, erm, we're having the same pe lesson. me and him. (oh just realised i spoke abt us in the same sentence. us. wow, the entity sounds sooooooo nice...but i really really should give up on it!!!). i dont know what overcame me that make me take pe today, tho i was nursing a flu, recurrent anaemia and had insufficient sleep the night before. did i want to prove it to him how fine im doing without him? man, that's the craziest thought. he prob still thinks im head over heels with him. there's nth to prove lah. ohk, i did look out a teeny weeny little bit for him. and that's only so that i could avoid him! as fate would had it, nan suddenly shouted when we were halfway thur warm-ups, and guess who ran past us at the track at that moment? sigh. he looked over of course, and come to think of it, he most prob would have thought it was me!!! ahhhh!! yes, he must think it was me..since im so imfamous for screaming whenever i see him. what's more, my WHOLE FRICKIN CLASS turned to look at me. wahahaha...bleahz...it's embarassing. and pe was supposed to be relaxing, but it seemed so tough for me! wasnt in tip-top condition. i think i was almost the last girl during the running excercise. my hair was so outta place and there's this urge to puke my empty stomach out. anaemia overcame me...but thank goodness i had really sweet friends =) i think he saw me being last, looking hideous and all that. sigh.
i cant let go, can i? but ze feeling's not there anymore. when i see him, it's just "oh, it's him". no exclamations. no smiles. just deep embarassment.
i realised i can do 2 pull-ups, and my SBJ's 144cm. LOL. damn pathetic. there's nth i can do for SBJ, but i can get a C for pull-ups. sigh. SBJ, SBJ...the older and taller i get, the shorter the distance i can jump. it's a scientific theory, innit? ah, at least let me have an excuse for not being fit...
oh my dear, all i can think about now is how ugly i looked during pe. why oh why is it like this???? argh! ok, im not gonna look out for him tmr. im not gonna care about how he feels toawards me. he ISNT significant. he's crap =)
i love school nowadays. lol. was nauseatic the whole day, cuz of stupid anaemia, but school IS fun! i realise all my clique talks about now is jerry. =)=)=) i love laughing like crazy with them over silly stuffs. i love school!
it's international friendship day tmr! (or is it? lol, i cant rmb dates). was sabotaged to take part in the stupid dessert making thing for Terra. IMAGINE ME PREPARING FOOD! tt's ze joke of ze century! anyways, it should be fun selling the food. just dont let me meet him!
love lots,
vicks
track spinning: "not in love" by enrique iglesias
my dear fifi,
and so it's day2. im gonna hate every tuesday for real. it's funny how i used to anticpate it, but hate it so much now. in case you're wondering why, erm, we're having the same pe lesson. me and him. (oh just realised i spoke abt us in the same sentence. us. wow, the entity sounds sooooooo nice...but i really really should give up on it!!!). i dont know what overcame me that make me take pe today, tho i was nursing a flu, recurrent anaemia and had insufficient sleep the night before. did i want to prove it to him how fine im doing without him? man, that's the craziest thought. he prob still thinks im head over heels with him. there's nth to prove lah. ohk, i did look out a teeny weeny little bit for him. and that's only so that i could avoid him! as fate would had it, nan suddenly shouted when we were halfway thur warm-ups, and guess who ran past us at the track at that moment? sigh. he looked over of course, and come to think of it, he most prob would have thought it was me!!! ahhhh!! yes, he must think it was me..since im so imfamous for screaming whenever i see him. what's more, my WHOLE FRICKIN CLASS turned to look at me. wahahaha...bleahz...it's embarassing. and pe was supposed to be relaxing, but it seemed so tough for me! wasnt in tip-top condition. i think i was almost the last girl during the running excercise. my hair was so outta place and there's this urge to puke my empty stomach out. anaemia overcame me...but thank goodness i had really sweet friends =) i think he saw me being last, looking hideous and all that. sigh.
i cant let go, can i? but ze feeling's not there anymore. when i see him, it's just "oh, it's him". no exclamations. no smiles. just deep embarassment.
i realised i can do 2 pull-ups, and my SBJ's 144cm. LOL. damn pathetic. there's nth i can do for SBJ, but i can get a C for pull-ups. sigh. SBJ, SBJ...the older and taller i get, the shorter the distance i can jump. it's a scientific theory, innit? ah, at least let me have an excuse for not being fit...
oh my dear, all i can think about now is how ugly i looked during pe. why oh why is it like this???? argh! ok, im not gonna look out for him tmr. im not gonna care about how he feels toawards me. he ISNT significant. he's crap =)
i love school nowadays. lol. was nauseatic the whole day, cuz of stupid anaemia, but school IS fun! i realise all my clique talks about now is jerry. =)=)=) i love laughing like crazy with them over silly stuffs. i love school!
it's international friendship day tmr! (or is it? lol, i cant rmb dates). was sabotaged to take part in the stupid dessert making thing for Terra. IMAGINE ME PREPARING FOOD! tt's ze joke of ze century! anyways, it should be fun selling the food. just dont let me meet him!
love lots,
vicks
dysphoria came at 12:26 AM
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feeling: stressed
track spinning: "eternal flame" by atomic kitten
im like, really really frustrated now. there's tonnes of homework staring at me, and dont even get me started on the horrid tests! argh. i know i can only blame myself for my complacency, but there ARE others like me too! man, i dont like it when life's like that. i really hate econs. sigh. stupid stupid econs.
so it's like Day 1 of "liberating-my-heart" campaign. lol. ok, i didnt really scruntinise him much. an improvement? oh well, i still realised that he had a hair cut. a really really short, crew-cut. and...as much as i hate to admit, i saw him once in the canteen. oh, i SWEAR i didnt look out for him! i turned my head, and there he was! looking in my direction for a seat. of course, i looked away immediately and became so damn self-conscious. I DIDNT SCREAM. thank god. hmm, there was only a SLIGHT skip of a heartbeat tho'.it's probably due to surprise than excitement. =) it's true, believe me! dear bloggy, i think im a slob. sigh. the way my shirt isnt tucked in neatly, how there's a bulge in my skirt due to the overwhelmingly small pocket and my large wallet, my slouch, my hideous hairstyle, how my face is always sweaty when im in the canteen...argh. i hate myself sometimes! ok, so he will never grow fond of me. and i never ever will of him again...at least i hope so?
let me make a stand to stop rambling abt affairs of the heart and boys in dear bloggy from now on. it's irksome. nobody enjoys reading it, ya? lol. this blog's mine, and mine only anyway. but still, im at risk of turning into a total bimbo if i continue thinking about the superficial stuffs i think of. im sorta worried now. what if someone he knows finds out about this blog? what if he knows about the things i've said about him (nevermind about the fact that he knows of my feelings already)?? i'd die. ah, that's why i should really stop mentioning him. HIM HIM HIM. lol. enough. =)
yep, i must mug now. imagine a bum like me mugging. lol. i have no choice! it's either mug or detention...
love,
vicks
track spinning: "eternal flame" by atomic kitten
im like, really really frustrated now. there's tonnes of homework staring at me, and dont even get me started on the horrid tests! argh. i know i can only blame myself for my complacency, but there ARE others like me too! man, i dont like it when life's like that. i really hate econs. sigh. stupid stupid econs.
so it's like Day 1 of "liberating-my-heart" campaign. lol. ok, i didnt really scruntinise him much. an improvement? oh well, i still realised that he had a hair cut. a really really short, crew-cut. and...as much as i hate to admit, i saw him once in the canteen. oh, i SWEAR i didnt look out for him! i turned my head, and there he was! looking in my direction for a seat. of course, i looked away immediately and became so damn self-conscious. I DIDNT SCREAM. thank god. hmm, there was only a SLIGHT skip of a heartbeat tho'.it's probably due to surprise than excitement. =) it's true, believe me! dear bloggy, i think im a slob. sigh. the way my shirt isnt tucked in neatly, how there's a bulge in my skirt due to the overwhelmingly small pocket and my large wallet, my slouch, my hideous hairstyle, how my face is always sweaty when im in the canteen...argh. i hate myself sometimes! ok, so he will never grow fond of me. and i never ever will of him again...at least i hope so?
let me make a stand to stop rambling abt affairs of the heart and boys in dear bloggy from now on. it's irksome. nobody enjoys reading it, ya? lol. this blog's mine, and mine only anyway. but still, im at risk of turning into a total bimbo if i continue thinking about the superficial stuffs i think of. im sorta worried now. what if someone he knows finds out about this blog? what if he knows about the things i've said about him (nevermind about the fact that he knows of my feelings already)?? i'd die. ah, that's why i should really stop mentioning him. HIM HIM HIM. lol. enough. =)
yep, i must mug now. imagine a bum like me mugging. lol. i have no choice! it's either mug or detention...
love,
vicks
dysphoria came at 7:47 PM
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mood: down with flu (with the icky feeling of sth stuck in my throat..urgh!)
track spinning: "that's why (you go away)" by MLTR
my dear fifi!
feeling guilty of negligence again. lol. you know, i've sorta thrown the towel in at my attempts to be SLIGHTLY more diligent. god help me, for i really cant! i had great plans for the weekend, only to watch it being wasted away in front of the comp. internet IS detrimental to the health! argh. I MUST BE MORE HARDWORKING. I MUST MUG. I MUSTN'T SLACK!!!
ok. back to normal stuffs. hey, im officially in the angklung society. quit dance already, in case u didnt know. i couldnt join eldds too. cuz they didnt allow new-comers to participate in syf. so it's like, forget it. tho i'd love acting, i should learn to be more practical. i need ccas for the points. angklung's not really cool i know, but what choice do i have? i've never been a sports person. cant join touch-rug, even tho i long to be part of the team. it all boils down to the "image" yea? to be fair, angklung is fun. it's about shaking two pieces of bamboo according to the scores. doesnt require much talent or skills, which is why i enjoy it, and why i think it suits me? sigh. the seniors are SUPER DUPER NICE! love them to bits! tho there's 'kylie minogue' and the "Cat high guy"..im quite alright with it. hmm, i still feel that only 1 cca isnt enough. i mean angklung is so "slack"! how can i ever get sufficient points for my PEARLS? ah, must join another one. must be a club tho'..since im already so 'nerdy'. bleahz.
stonefish just sent me an email. i was actually QUITE touched. i mean after how badly i treated him, and blocked him on msn..he still remembers me?? wow. it brings back all the memories of yore. you know, the really wonderful sec4 days..with jokers, 4/5 etc etc. it was fun coming up with strategies to 'deal with' stone at that period. i guess he's stil too dense to really my detest for him. =) shall stop being mean.
IMPORTANT NEWS COMING UP.
i'm over him!! ya, im quite positive of that. it's funny how my feelings come and go like the breeze. am i fickle? nah...not, compared to sumsum. it all happened on thurs, when i stayed back to accompany chus till her tennis training starts.whisked my time away doing econs tys in the library...as well as oggling at this rather cute librarian. when it was time for her to go, i was all paranoid. there was soccer training that day too, and i was SO petrified of running into him when im alone. was whining non-stop to chus at the grandstand, reluctant to go home. then, i saw him. the one and only. guess what i felt??
relief. yea, instead of immense excitement i expected. i was so damn relieved that he wont be seeing me. man, my liking (or rather, lust?) for him has turned to embarassment. i've embarassed myself in front of him too many times to count, thus i didnt want to meet him. this isnt like anymore, is it? realisation dawned upon me then. he's outta my heart. the ever so charismatic guy tt he could be a star. when i look at my wallpaper (it's his childhood photo), i dont feel the old endearment anymore. i didnt even think of him this entire weekend. gee, i sound sad actually. im lost. no directions whatsoever. i mean, he was why i arrive at school so chirpy in the morning. he was mainly why i stayed in nj..and not left for greener pastures. sigh. i feel that i've lost my happiness, my anticipation..there's no motivation!
it's good that im over him. *tries to convince myself* there's no future for us anyway..
yups.
lets see how tmr goes, shall we?
love lots,
vicks
track spinning: "that's why (you go away)" by MLTR
my dear fifi!
feeling guilty of negligence again. lol. you know, i've sorta thrown the towel in at my attempts to be SLIGHTLY more diligent. god help me, for i really cant! i had great plans for the weekend, only to watch it being wasted away in front of the comp. internet IS detrimental to the health! argh. I MUST BE MORE HARDWORKING. I MUST MUG. I MUSTN'T SLACK!!!
ok. back to normal stuffs. hey, im officially in the angklung society. quit dance already, in case u didnt know. i couldnt join eldds too. cuz they didnt allow new-comers to participate in syf. so it's like, forget it. tho i'd love acting, i should learn to be more practical. i need ccas for the points. angklung's not really cool i know, but what choice do i have? i've never been a sports person. cant join touch-rug, even tho i long to be part of the team. it all boils down to the "image" yea? to be fair, angklung is fun. it's about shaking two pieces of bamboo according to the scores. doesnt require much talent or skills, which is why i enjoy it, and why i think it suits me? sigh. the seniors are SUPER DUPER NICE! love them to bits! tho there's 'kylie minogue' and the "Cat high guy"..im quite alright with it. hmm, i still feel that only 1 cca isnt enough. i mean angklung is so "slack"! how can i ever get sufficient points for my PEARLS? ah, must join another one. must be a club tho'..since im already so 'nerdy'. bleahz.
stonefish just sent me an email. i was actually QUITE touched. i mean after how badly i treated him, and blocked him on msn..he still remembers me?? wow. it brings back all the memories of yore. you know, the really wonderful sec4 days..with jokers, 4/5 etc etc. it was fun coming up with strategies to 'deal with' stone at that period. i guess he's stil too dense to really my detest for him. =) shall stop being mean.
IMPORTANT NEWS COMING UP.
i'm over him!! ya, im quite positive of that. it's funny how my feelings come and go like the breeze. am i fickle? nah...not, compared to sumsum. it all happened on thurs, when i stayed back to accompany chus till her tennis training starts.whisked my time away doing econs tys in the library...as well as oggling at this rather cute librarian. when it was time for her to go, i was all paranoid. there was soccer training that day too, and i was SO petrified of running into him when im alone. was whining non-stop to chus at the grandstand, reluctant to go home. then, i saw him. the one and only. guess what i felt??
relief. yea, instead of immense excitement i expected. i was so damn relieved that he wont be seeing me. man, my liking (or rather, lust?) for him has turned to embarassment. i've embarassed myself in front of him too many times to count, thus i didnt want to meet him. this isnt like anymore, is it? realisation dawned upon me then. he's outta my heart. the ever so charismatic guy tt he could be a star. when i look at my wallpaper (it's his childhood photo), i dont feel the old endearment anymore. i didnt even think of him this entire weekend. gee, i sound sad actually. im lost. no directions whatsoever. i mean, he was why i arrive at school so chirpy in the morning. he was mainly why i stayed in nj..and not left for greener pastures. sigh. i feel that i've lost my happiness, my anticipation..there's no motivation!
it's good that im over him. *tries to convince myself* there's no future for us anyway..
yups.
lets see how tmr goes, shall we?
love lots,
vicks
dysphoria came at 11:48 PM
|
mood: a little under the weather =(
track spinning: "pirates" by jolin tsai
whoa, it's been eons since i last updated. in the midst of mountains of homework and tests now. yet, he's occupies my thoughts perpetually every seond of the day. "my very first thought in the morning, my last at night fall". it can never be truer. ya know sth, i found quite a lot about him on friendster recently. silly me! how could i not have thought of using dear friendster as a "spyware" earlier! to think i spent hours on the net searching for his name. sigh. im really getting crazy...and disgusting. urgh!
dear friendster found me some very very endearing photos of him. aww....now i know what he looks like when he was young. very adorable! =) i wish i can post the pics here, but well..i respect his privacy. lol. and what if he ever comes across this page? i'll DIE! ok, my search of him on googlism:
HE...
is soooo sexy
is tackled from behind vs eels (he's a soccer player..tho i wish i were the tackler.lol)
is a classy left wing (dunno his position, but it applies to his cca!)
is hot
is the spawn of satan (cuz he's so good, he's sinful)
is famous everywhere (like duh!)
is an inquisitive student ( heard he likes to ask questions in class)
is ambitious (i like this kinda guys! dunno if it applies)
is a great runner (yesh! great achievement in the road run!)
is a clever hardworking player who i think will relish the chance of...(incomplete sentence..but it sounds like a compliment)
is the acknowledged attraction...of njc! (added the last bit myself.)
is not surrounded by responsible adults (girls cant keep their eyes and hands off him!)
is a hero to a lot of the girls (he can practically start his own fan club!)
is guaranteed to melt...the hearts of everyone who laid eyes on him!
is special (very, very special. love him so. sigh.)
is a smart guy (duh! he's in njc! furthermore, tri sci too!)
is at the football field (he looks great in the soccer attire!)
is generally a shy..person? (well, not really...quite flirtatious and gregarious i gather)
is going to be in everyone's heart (of course! he's sooooooo perfect, it's hard not to be)
is markedly different (he's special, different cuz no one is like him)
is victim to a freak (the freak's me...lol)
is infectious (hmm, he makes me happy, and i tend to spread my hyperness to my friends too!)
is the best allrounder (in my eyes)
is a fantastic footballer (very very true)
is a sweet angel (awww....he was when he was young! so endearing!!)
is a very happy boy (he looks happy, always grinning from ear to ear)
is missed so much (by me, every second, everyday)
is very imaginative and creative (i hope so)
is very sweet to his fans and always plays it cool with a sense of humor (the fact that he doesnt look disgusted whenever we cross paths means that he does have a sense of humour. im prob a ditzy, wacky girl in his eyes. lol. tho he isnt exactly sweet to me...safe for the v-day event =) )
ok dear, over-dose of him, i expect. shall spare u guys the torture.
xoxo,
vicks
track spinning: "pirates" by jolin tsai
whoa, it's been eons since i last updated. in the midst of mountains of homework and tests now. yet, he's occupies my thoughts perpetually every seond of the day. "my very first thought in the morning, my last at night fall". it can never be truer. ya know sth, i found quite a lot about him on friendster recently. silly me! how could i not have thought of using dear friendster as a "spyware" earlier! to think i spent hours on the net searching for his name. sigh. im really getting crazy...and disgusting. urgh!
dear friendster found me some very very endearing photos of him. aww....now i know what he looks like when he was young. very adorable! =) i wish i can post the pics here, but well..i respect his privacy. lol. and what if he ever comes across this page? i'll DIE! ok, my search of him on googlism:
HE...
is soooo sexy
is tackled from behind vs eels (he's a soccer player..tho i wish i were the tackler.lol)
is a classy left wing (dunno his position, but it applies to his cca!)
is hot
is the spawn of satan (cuz he's so good, he's sinful)
is famous everywhere (like duh!)
is an inquisitive student ( heard he likes to ask questions in class)
is ambitious (i like this kinda guys! dunno if it applies)
is a great runner (yesh! great achievement in the road run!)
is a clever hardworking player who i think will relish the chance of...(incomplete sentence..but it sounds like a compliment)
is the acknowledged attraction...of njc! (added the last bit myself.)
is not surrounded by responsible adults (girls cant keep their eyes and hands off him!)
is a hero to a lot of the girls (he can practically start his own fan club!)
is guaranteed to melt...the hearts of everyone who laid eyes on him!
is special (very, very special. love him so. sigh.)
is a smart guy (duh! he's in njc! furthermore, tri sci too!)
is at the football field (he looks great in the soccer attire!)
is generally a shy..person? (well, not really...quite flirtatious and gregarious i gather)
is going to be in everyone's heart (of course! he's sooooooo perfect, it's hard not to be)
is markedly different (he's special, different cuz no one is like him)
is victim to a freak (the freak's me...lol)
is infectious (hmm, he makes me happy, and i tend to spread my hyperness to my friends too!)
is the best allrounder (in my eyes)
is a fantastic footballer (very very true)
is a sweet angel (awww....he was when he was young! so endearing!!)
is a very happy boy (he looks happy, always grinning from ear to ear)
is missed so much (by me, every second, everyday)
is very imaginative and creative (i hope so)
is very sweet to his fans and always plays it cool with a sense of humor (the fact that he doesnt look disgusted whenever we cross paths means that he does have a sense of humour. im prob a ditzy, wacky girl in his eyes. lol. tho he isnt exactly sweet to me...safe for the v-day event =) )
ok dear, over-dose of him, i expect. shall spare u guys the torture.
xoxo,
vicks
dysphoria came at 10:47 PM
|