Someday I shall finally figure out how during your consecutive papers, you could still find the time, energy and heart to save my life. Literally. Oh your wonderful, loving soul that I wish I could repay somehow.

"Tell me, what do you solve by dying?"
"Well I attain bliss"
"Hahaha, do you really bear to give up your life?"
"Maybe not..."
"You won't"
" Then help me justify it please, because it seems that whenever the going gets tough, I lose all reasons to live"

And then you gave the most beautiful answer ever.

Since the day I sat across you in class, the debt has started accumulating.

You're magic! Really, because you know what makes me tick when others who've known me for years are still a long long way from figuring out. And most importantly, you don't ask; you take the damn initiative and I marvel at such courage and sincere concern (:

And thanks to you, I cry for a different, more justified reason now-your sweetness. |

When Will You Finally Stop?

When I realise I'm relying on pills to catch up on sleep; not to get sufficient sleep mind you, just to sleep so I can still function.

When my dreams during these artifically-induced sleep are the sweetest. I dreamt of a crush I never knew nor admitted I had-but well now that his reappearance for just a few moments in my sleep is enough to sustain me through the entire nightmare week, then, he must be one (: Oh and there was the long abandoned aspiration of the JC years too...you see, the sweetest dreams are all ghosts from the past; the present is too dreadfully unbearable that I can't help not being hung up on them.

When I've decided to throw in the towel, and am secretly hoping that I'll OD on these pills so that I can escape. I bet OD-ing sucks, but it beats cutting anytime-no fugly scars, no majestically sanguine acts of impulse.

When finally, I'm just hoping for a pass. Nevermind the grades that I've been getting all semester, because if I can't even survive this final round, then I probably don't deserve them at all. So yep, I've completely stopped touching my books since two days ago. We'll see how I get by.









Edit: Hmmmmm. Dreaming of him still makes me miss him. How! And last I heard of him (did a little e-stalking heh), he's still VERY hot property :( |

My Heart Is Keeping Time With Yours.

So I've come to realise during this extremely tumultous times of trying to study, that the best cure for lovesickness is to curl up with a blissful tub of Ben and Jerry's to my insatiable weekly dose of Wentworth. This is what happens when I'm deprived of the sole perennial pillar of companionship and affections-I've become a spineless mush of nothingness, reminiscent of the JC days, that you've time and again advised against.

I didn't have the strength to fight,
suddenly you seemed so right.
Me and you,
what a feeling.

I miss you baby. At times like this, it does seem like I could give anything to go back to the happier days. Wentworth, however intense and brooding and hot he is, won't cure no lovesickness if I can't have you. But in times of your absence, visual and tasteable satisfaction would have to suffice.

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine

Damn this finals really. We better get our just deserts for even bothering to put in effort (well more so in my context, considering how I used to get by). We'll make it, because I say so.

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

Sighhhh, till next week :( |

To Whom-It-May-Concern.

I like your warmth on rainy days-when the rain can splish and splosh outside in sheets, the thunder asserts its vehement protests right outside the window, lightning threatens to split the sky and everything else into two and yet I won't give a hoot because I've got ya.

My beloved, most cherished scapegoat (:

It's sweet isn't it, to chuckle at the private joke of displaced aggression, blessed with the knowledge that few can ever comprehend or experience the split second of mutual understanding and hilarity.(For the unintiated, displace aggression= taking out one's frustrations on some less threatening or more available target; sorta symbolises my attitude towards him when during days when I'm down).

Just being cranky again, but I think studying (considering that it's the first attempt of LEARNING to study in my pathetic life) actually makes me pin for you more and appreciate, with greater depth, the meaning of US. It's probably because I'm a sucker for motivation when the going gets arduous and taxing (mentally, esp.)..and you've come to embody all things positive for me.

Such an out of character entry, tsk! I hope it reaches its intended audience before I get possessed to delete it, as with all other heartfelt entries (: |

We Defy Karma.

You never fail to bring a smile. However reluctantly it creeps across my lips, it's still a sincere one that few has been able to reproduce. You see, my smiles for you are probably rare and extremely cherish-able like intricately crafted masterpieces.

You crafted them baby.

So I wonder, when will be the day I bring tears to your eyes? Girls like me will only hurt and shatter your self-esteem so bad, you'd wish you never met me.






As sordid as this may sound, I'm dedicating this entry to the both of you, one of whom reads this ever so occasionally, and the other, who was never clued in on its existance. |

Airheads and Fashion.

For the Nth time from the Nth guy:

"You know, you always give guys pressure to dress well when they hang out with you."
"Er, that's because I ABHOR tee-and-jeans combi. Just a preference, not trying to make a fashion statement"
"Good taste then!"

For the Nth time from the Nth person:

"Eh did you study for....? Shit leh I'm not very sure about it!"
"Wa I only mugged last night, what do you think? So tired la stayed up the whole night you know! I'm very scared HOW!"
"Hahahahahaha! You actually study?! I've always felt that you're the intimidating type who scores well despite not studying!"
"-_-'''.. DON'T THINK LIKE MY BF CAN!"



Some characters actually do make campus life SOOOOOOOO marvelously fulfilling. But more than anything, it was fun showing him my two major eye candies and the leeches that I hang out with and I wish I could show him how carefree and exciting school life can be with personalities like me 'prancing' around (: |

Mr. Pest.

Thank you so much for what you've done today, and everyday that I've known you..but especially today!

For all the things I've called you behind your back, I hope you'll realise how I've come to appreciate your hilarious company, advice and affections. In fact, I've ceased to mind what people have come to see us as anymore. They simply can't understand. Without you, I would still be a lone ranger that I was for 3 of my 5 modules yeah (:

You made me warm outside and inside in the ruthless pouring rain. You didn't have to, but you got thoroughly drenched just for my comfort. Girls care for the minute details, and they've showed a lot today.

I resolve to be nicer to you from this day on (((: |

about

Currently eighteen, and waiting for my angsty phase to run out. I'm a slave to books, to unfortunate circumstances like "exams" and "assignments". My expertise is my 100 decibel scream and barking laughter. I'm profoundly in love with NYC, and there isn't a second in which I don't wish for a life there.

This is not entertainment nor a place too seek for deep musings.This is the highly selective, highly biased, highly opinionated account of my life. I just write, as I feel. No, not think. Feel.

"Loss of Privacy" Index


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